Cheesy, Sleazy, Must-See Movies

Zombieland (USA, 2009) - Color, Director(s): Ruben Fleischer
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 88 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Starting life as a TV show, Zombieland instead became the highest grossing zombie film in the U.S. (until it was dethroned by World War Z in 2013) and the feature-length directorial debut of Ruben Fleischer. Featuring a fantastic cast of Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. The story was very much character driven and the onscreen chemistry between these four was enough to carry the entire film, there are literally a handful of characters in the credits and the rest were zombies. Harrelson is a total bad ass who might be borderline psychotic and kills zombies with sadistic glee, Jesse Eisenberg is a socially awkward dork with OCD, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin are two cutthroat sisters who will do whatever it takes to survive. Throughout the course of the movie, we watch as these characters bond and we get to know them personally as well. The tone is a perfect balance of comedy and horror elements that makes it so much fun to watch.

Who wouldn't open the door for her?

At the start of the movie, the world is overrun by zombies thanks to a burger infected with mad cow disease. These zombies are infected rather than the undead variety. They're feverish, covered with pustules and sores, and spewing blood from every orifice. We are presented with various rules for survival narrated by Jesse Eisenberg's character, Columbus, before the intro credits kick in with Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls" blaring over them. Columbus then crosses paths with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) and the two ride together before stumbling upon Wichita (Stone) and Little Rock (Breslin) at a supermarket. The sisters trick Columbus and Tallahassee, riding off with their car (twice!), before the four of them decide to stick together for awhile. From there it becomes kind of like a road trip movie with zombies. They bond along the way to an amusement park (probably the dumbest plan for survival) despite not being able to trust each other initially. Each character goes through an arc with the cowardly Columbus stepping up and becoming a hero in the end, the emotionally walled-off Tallahassee opening up about his loss of Buck, and the sisters learning they can not only trust but depend on the other two.

We should be safe here, no one will notice the bright lights and music...

Nudity: None. There's a zombie stripper in the intro chasing someone with tassels on her boobs.

Gore: Plenty. There's a ton of headshots, bludgeonings, and people getting eaten. As far as zombie films go, this is not too explicit. There isn't much in the way of intestines spilling out or anyone getting disemboweled but all the zombies look pretty nasty. There is one zombie eating someone on the highway as she makes all these slurping and munching noises. She even snaps a bone and sucks the marrow out as we watch from a distance. Tallahassee takes her out with the door as they drive by.

"Who ya gonna call?"

Awesome: Very. The movie is filled with running gags like Columbus' rules for survival and Zombie Kill of the Week. Tallahassee references Deliverance before bashing a zombie's skull in with a banjo. The cast looks like they had a lot of fun filming it, especially the scene where they destroy a gift shop. There's a surprise cameo from Bill Murray when they decide to stay at his house after arriving in Hollywood. They have a great time hanging out, playing Ghostbusters, and smoking pot out of a hookah. Speaking of small appearances, the insanely hot Amber Heard plays Columbus' neighbor, 406, during a flashback to his first encounter with zombies. Best of all, I've known plenty of people who are terrified of clowns and there's the most gnarly looking Zombie Clown at the end of the movie. I highly recommend this one because it's not just a good zombie movie, it's a good film. Call a couple friends over, grab a box of Twinkies, and settle in for a fun night.

Night of the Creeps (USA, 1986) - Color, Director(s): Fred Dekker
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 88 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Transitioning from zombies to alien movies, we've got one here that's a mix of both with a dash of Slasher thrown in. Night of the Creeps is a loving homage to genre films and B-movies.

After a neat title sequence, the movie opens on an alien spaceship where two butt-naked aliens are chasing a third one that's running away with some kind of tube. Turns out the two are trying to retrieve an experiment, housed inside of the tube, but it's fired out of the ship before they get to it.

Meanwhile on Earth, it's 1959 which made apparent through the use of a black-and-white filter. A couple at make-out point see something fall from the sky and go to investigate in the woods. As an alien slug busts out of the tube and wriggles down the guy's throat, an escaped axe-murderer sneaks up on the girl in the car.

Flash forward to 1986, Chris and J.C. are a couple of pals wandering around on Pledge Week when Chris falls for a sorority girl. To get her attention, they attempt to join a fraternity but their botched initiation prank accidentally unleashes the cryogenically frozen 1959 guy who chugged the slug. The reanimated body regurgitates a slug into someone's mouth then goes straight to sorority house. Was this really the only sorority house around? Two guys trying to impress this girl accidentally let a zombie loose and it walks straight to her window. Before we get to question how convenient this is for the plot, he grows a vagina on his forehead and a bunch of slugs explode out of it off camera. Apparently the slug that crawled into his mouth incubated in his brain and turned him into a zombie.

Detective Cameron (Tom Atkins from Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The Fog) is called in to investigate the body at the lab. Chris and J.C. are brought to the police station for questioning because an Asian janitor witnessed them running from the lab, "screaming like banshees." The janitor apparently thinks the "screaming like banshees" line is the most hilarious thing ever, he's constantly repeating it while laughing to himself. It's the last thing he says before he snarfs a space slug too.

The now infected janitor wanders into the bathroom, where J.C. is dropping a deuce, and releases his brain slugs everywhere. Rule #3 from Zombieland, "Beware of bathrooms." J.C. is seriously the best wingman ever. He tries his best to hook his buddy up with chicks, he's the one who finds out these things get in through your mouth, AND he figures out you can kill them with fire! With this information, Tom Atkins gets a flamethrower and they're off to kick some alien zombie ass! Dick Miller is running the armory and they actually have a flamethrower at the police station!

Nudity: 3 breasts. A couple of girls are shown in the shower.

Gore: There are heads splitting open, faces ripped off, people getting hacked by an axe, shotgun blasts to the skull, rotting animal corpses, forced oral ingestion, and zombie incineration by flamethrower. The coroner is always eating every time you see him throughout the movie. I think this shows that even though there's a bunch of gore, the movie's still got a really lighthearted tone. This is a stark contrast to A Nightmare on Elm Street where the coroner was throwing up after he saw what happened to Johnny Depp.

Awesome: Very. This movie is so much fun and it pays such loving tribute to B-movies. First time director Fred Dekker wrote and directed this film, before going on to co-write and direct The Monster Squad. You can tell he just really loves the genre. The characters are named after directors. Christopher Romero, Cynthia Cronenberg, James-Carpenter Hooper, Detective Cameron, Detective Landis, Sgt. Raimi, and Mr. Miner. As in George A. Romero, David Cronenberg, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, James Cameron, John Landis, Sam Raimi, and Steve Miner. I highly recommend this underrated film to anyone who hasn't seen it. As I write this, the film is available to stream for free on Crackle if you don't mind commercials, or you can pick up a Blu-ray of the Director's Cut for only $13.44 from Amazon.

Slither (Canada/USA, 2006) - Color, Director(s): James Gunn
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 95 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4.5 stars out of 5

James Gunn is one of the hottest directors in Hollywood right now following the surprise hit Guardian of the Galaxy. Gunn began his career as a screenwriter for Troma Entertainment, where he learned the fine art of filmmaking from none other than Lloyd Kaufman (who makes a brief cameo appearance in Guardians of the Galaxy!). I love that Gunn's career bridges the gap between Troma and Hollywood. His first major Hollywood screenplay was for the live-action adaptation of Scooby Doo in 2002, which he followed up with Dawn of the Dead and Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Gunn's first feature film directorial debut came in the form of Slither, which unfortunately was a commercial flop at the box office despite receiving generally positive reviews. It has since become a cult favorite, often compared to Night of the Creeps for their similarities (though Gunn cites David Cronenberg's Shivers and The Brood being among his influences). Regardless, Slither is a disgustingly good time and every bit as fun (if not more so) as Night of the Creeps.

The movie opens with a meteorite crashing in a small town and cracking open like something out of The Blob. Geek icon Nathan Fillion plays Chief Bill Pardy who's infatuated with a teacher named Starla, played by the beautiful Elizabeth Banks. Unfortunately she's married to the sugar daddy that put her through college, an overprotective bald guy with navigator glasses, named Grant Grant, played by Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, The Walking Dead). When Starla spurns his advances one night, Grant goes out for a drink and hooks up with a girl that had a crush on him since they were kids. While messing around in the woods, he notices the meteorite with a slime trail leading away from it. In true Blob-like fashion, he pokes it with a stick. Why does everyone in these movies always poke at meteors with a stick? I'm not saying I probably wouldn't do the same thing but we saw why that's a potentially bad idea in The Blob. In any case, a slug-like creature shoots a barb into Grant's chest that immediately burrows into his body and makes a beeline for his brain.

That little girl is creepy!

Grant starts acting strangely afterwards and collects a bunch of meat. Pets also mysteriously go missing around town. Out of the wound where the barb entered his body, two tentacles emerge that he uses to inseminate the girl from the woods. She insatiably eats the rotting meat that Grant's been collecting and "aging" until she turns into a giant, bloated flesh ball. When she pops, a shit ton of slugs come slithering out of her and crawling into people's mouths, turning them into zombies. This is very similar to the premise for Night of the Creeps but this movie builds on it so much more. The slug creatures, and the zombies they create, are all connected and function like a hive mind. In one scene, Grant communicates with Starla through one of the zombies. They're organized and if one sees you, they all see you. Also, some of the zombies can spit acid, although I'm not sure why they would be able to do that? Just seems like a common zombie trope that you see in video games to have them spit acid but it's never really explained in the context of the movie. I suppose that once the slugs get into your body, you immediately start mutating. These slugs spread quickly and before you know it, the whole town's in danger.

Nudity: None. A teen is shown taking a bath when the slugs surround her but nothing is explicitly shown. This scene pays direct homage to Barbara Steele's bathtub scene in David Cronenberg's Shivers. Also, a large man takes off his bathrobe to merge with the growing pile of flesh that the alien organism becomes.

Gore: Tons of slaughtered animals, shotgun blasts to the face, melting by acid, a person gets split in half by a tentacle whip, tentacle rape, exploding people balls, forced oral slug ingestion, impalement. Not to mention plenty of ooze, goo, blood, pus, and acid vomit.

Awesome: Very. Much like Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps) James Gunn is obviously a fan of the genre. In the opening alone, there are a bunch of references to other body horror movies like Henenlotter's Saddle Lodge being a reference to director Frank Henenlotter (Basket Case, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker), R.J. MacReady of R.J. MacReady Auctioneers & Funeral Home referencing Kurt Russell's character in John Carpenter's The Thing. Max Renn's Gun & Ammo in reference to James Wood's character in Videodrome. As a nod to James Gunn's history with Troma Entertainment, a scene from The Toxic Avenger can be seen on TV. If you look closely before their mother puts them to bed, The Strutemyer girls are reading Goosebumps books! (The Girl Who Cried Monster and You Can't Scare Me) Nathan Fillion fights a zombie deer and it has to be the best fight with a deer I've seen since Arnold Schwarzenegger punched that reindeer in Jingle All the Way. There's even a post-credit stinger so stay tuned after the credits!

The Blob (USA, 1958) - Color, Director(s): Irvin S. Yeaworth Jr.
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
[UK: 15]
Approx. 86 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

The Blob is one of those classic monster movies that everyone is probably at least aware of, even if they haven't actually seen the film. There have been numerous pop culture references to the gelatinous alien and it has practically become a trope in the Sci-Fi genre. At the time of its release, this was the drive-in movie for young people. Fast cars, drag racing, adults not believing them about a giant mass of corrosive space slime. The movie featured the film debut of Aneta Corsaut (who would go on to find fame on The Andy Griffith Show) and Steve McQueen's first leading role before he became the "ultra-cool male film star of the 1960's." Literally a B-movie, The Blob premiered as the second half of a double feature with I Married a Monster from Outer Space but was eventually moved up to feature film status where it would rake in millions at the box office.

Based on a true story of 'star jelly', a gelatinous purple glob, that crashed down in a farmer’s field outside of Philadelphia in 1950 and dissolved before scientists could dissect it. Two police officers reported seeing a shimmering object fall from the sky and crashing in an open field. Upon further investigation, they found a domed disk that measured 6 feet in diameter and a foot thick at the center. When they attempted to pick it up, it fell apart like gelatin and had completely evaporated a half-hour after they arrived.

In the movie, a meteor lands in a small Pennsylvania town where a couple of teens (McQueen and Corsaut) notice and go looking for it. Some old guy finds it first and (of course) pokes it with a stick which cracks the meteorite open, revealing the creamy center. Proving once again why it's probably a bad idea to poke meteorites with a stick, the ooze attaches to his hand and he can't get it off. While stumbling around in excruciating pain, he's picked up by Steve McQueen who rushes him to the local doctor. Upon arriving at the doctor's office, they notice the parasite has consumed more of his arm and is growing. Before the doctor is able to amputate his arm, The Blob dissolves the old man completely and begins terrorizing the town. The townsfolk try everything but realize that bullets, acid, and even electricity cannot harm it. Growing in size each time it consumes something, they must figure out how to stop it before it devours the whole town.

Nudity: None.

Gore: None, people are consumed and dissolved by The Blob but much of the violence is implied.

Awesome: Pretty awesome. This is definitely a classic as far as monster movies and creature features are concerned. Every year, there is an annual Blobfest held in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania where the Colonial Theatre is located. They re-enact the scene where movie patrons run screaming from The Blob. If you've never seen this movie, I would definitely recommend seeing it. Although there are a couple long and slow scenes that are awkward and ruin the pacing of the film. The 1988 remake really improves on the special effects though and I actually prefer it to the original. The real star of any monster movie is the monster itself and while this one does a fantastic job with miniatures to create a threatening monster out of a blob of jelly, the remake actually shows people getting dissolved by the corrosive space snot. I do like how this movie ends with the words 'The End' turning into a '?' and the theme song is just fantastic. This is one of those situations where the remake is on par or (depending on who you ask) may even be superior to the original. I say rent both for a double feature with some friends and maybe serve some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or some jelly donuts. Should make for a fun night!

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (USA, 1956) - Black&White, Director(s): Don Siegel
MPAA Rating: Approved
[UK: PG]
Approx. 80 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

An alien invasion of any kind is far from an ideal situation but at least in an all-out war, we'd have an opportunity to defend ourselves. Mankind can put aside their differences and work together to give the mothership a computer virus or build giant robots to punch them in the face. The worst kind of invasion is a silent one where they infiltrate our society and act like they're one of us, secretly learning our weaknesses. The two ways they can go about achieving this is disguising themselves as humans, or worse, impersonating our loved ones. If they're able to imitate our friends or family, it would be nearly impossible to know who to trust.

In peaceful Santa Mira, California (a fictional town featured in various works of Sci-Fi and Horror that fans may remember as the home of the Silver Shamrock factory in Halloween III: Season of the Witch), a silent invasion is underway. Dr. Miles J. Bennell (Kevin McCarthy) returns home from a medical convention to find the town afflicted with an epidemic of mass hysteria. There have been various incidents of people accusing loved ones of not being themselves. They resemble, act like, and even share the same memories but lack any real emotion. There is a legitimate psychological disorder called the Capgras delusion where a person is convinced that someone in their life has been replaced by an identical impostor.

This delusion most commonly occurs in patients diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, which makes the situation even more difficult to read. Could friends or family really be getting replaced by an exact copy that shares the same memories? Perhaps you're the one suffering from a delusion? How can anyone be sure? At some point, you'd have to question your own sanity. Even if you were absolutely positive, how would you convince anyone else? Things take a bizarre turn when Dr. Bennell's friend, Jack, asks him to examine a body that's missing any defining features such as fingerprints. The body bears a striking resemblance to Jack but seems incomplete. Before they're able to provide the authorities with any concrete evidence, the body disappears and they're left questioning what they really saw. Not until they discover giant pods in Dr. Bennell's greenhouse that sprouted duplicates are they able to confirm their suspicions. Seeds that fell from space started growing pods, these pods have the ability to reproduce themselves in the likeness of any form of life. With their greatest fears confirmed, they try to escape Santa Mira and get help. The pods are already being loaded into trucks and headed for major cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland, and Seattle.

Some people see the film as commentary on individuality in the conformist society of 1950's Eisenhower-era America, others see it as an allegory for communist takeover and the loss of personal freedoms. These were very real concerns at the time but even if you're not digging that deep into the political allegory, the concept is inherently frightening and unsettling. The idea that something is impersonating your friends, family, and neighbors with no way of knowing who's "one of them" is something you see in many stories, TV shows, movies, and video games. Movies like Invaders from Mars, The Thing, The Faculty, and The Stepford Wives all share a similar theme. Pod people are a common enemy you encounter in the game Zombies Ate My Neighbor. The story has been adapted/parodied in various cartoons and kids shows like Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Toxic Crusaders, and Archie's Weird Mysteries. Pod People and Body Snatchers have become staples in pop culture. This film was even selected for preservation in the U.S. National Film Registry by the Library of Congress in 1994.

Nudity: None.

Gore: None. Kevin McCarthy stabs his alien doppelgänger with a pitchfork but there's no blood. The impalement is shown but it looks like a fork going into a hotdog.

Awesome: Pretty awesome. Kevin McCarthy is fantastic in this movie, he's great as a nervous wreck but also believable as a composed doctor. Carolyn Jones, who would go on to play Morticia in The Addams Family, is Jack's wife. Richard Deacon, most famous for playing Dick Van Dyke's boss on The Dick Van Dyke Show, makes an uncredited appearance as Dr. Harvey Bassett (he's also made appearances on both The Munsters AND The Addams Family). This film is a classic and has had a massive impact our on culture. My only complaint about this movie is about how the pod people take your place when you fall asleep. The movie doesn't really explain how that happens. I don't want to spoil the end but the last "body snatching" of the film didn't make any sense to me. That's not a big enough problem that I wouldn't recommend the film but it did bother me as I was watching it. Still, a highly recommended Sci-Fi classic.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (USA, 1978) - Color, Director(s): Philip Kaufman
MPAA Rating: PG
[UK: 15]
Approx. 115 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Considered to be among the best movie remakes, the premise of this film follows the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers pretty closely. Extraterrestrial plant pods are creating clones of people, the duplicates replace them in their sleep, a small group of people resist and try to stop them before it's too late. They do a fantastic job of taking the key elements of the original film and updating them. Dare I say, maybe even improving upon them?

I dare say.

This movie takes place in San Francisco rather than the fictional town of Santa Mira, California. I know I'm being biased but they get an extra point from me for setting this movie in my hometown. While this might not make difference to most viewers, it was a trip seeing places I recognized the way they were in the late 70's. The pods aren't just seeds that drifted through space and landed here on Earth, the movie opens with a translucent gelatinous material that looks like alien jism floating off into space. (Hmm, I guess they are alien seed that drifted through space then.) The space goo rains down onto plants and assimilate them, growing little flower pods that replicate people.

The Condor Club! Also, the barker is promoting Big Al's.

Dr. Miles Bennell is now Matthew Bennell (Donald Sutherland) who works for the Department of Health. When we first see him, he's inspecting a fancy restaurant where he finds a rat turd in the stock. I have to say, I laughed out loud when he called it a rat turd and the restaurant owner insisted it was a caper. Becky Driscoll is now Elizabeth Driscoll (Brooke Adams) who works with Matthew at the Department of Health. She's the one who notices her husband acting strangely and goes to Matthew for advice. Jack and Teddy Belicec are now Jack and Nancy Bellicec (Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright), owners of a mud bathhouse. There they discover the first "body" of an incomplete pod person, which looks like an adult-sized fetus covered by a stringy membrane. As Jack gets close, little "webs" reach out in an attempt to assimilate his body. Once they realize what's happening, they try to get out of the city but it may already be too late.

This movie features a powerhouse line-up of Sci-Fi genre celebrities like Donald Sutherland (The Puppet Masters), Brooke Adams (The Dead Zone) Jeff Goldblum (The Fly, ID4), Veronica Cartwright (Alien), Leonard Nimoy (Star Trek), and Art Hindle (The Brood). There's even a cameo appearance by Kevin McCarthy (Dr. Bennell in the original) who's shouting hysterically like he does at the end of the first film. (The truck he comes across at the end of the original film did say it was headed for San Francisco!) Don Siegel also makes a cameo appearance as the cab driver who pretends to drive Matthew and Elizabeth out of the city.

"They're already here! Help! You're next!"

Nudity: We see Brooke Adams' breasts a couple shots.

Kinda makes you feel like a perv, doesn't it?

Gore: Donald Sutherland bashes a clone's head in with a shovel. I'm total a gorehound and I just adore practical effects. The special effects in this movie were great, the duplicates growing out of the pods looked fantastic! I loved how gooey and slimy they looked. The effects were definitely a welcome addition even though the original worked fine without them.

Awesome: Very. I think this movie does a great job of updating the original film. Setting it in a more modern city rather than a quiet suburban town, the characters taking speed to keep to themselves awake, and the addition of that noise the aliens make. In the original film, the pod people just yell out "He's here! He's over here!" to each other. This one introduces that screeching sound they make to alarm the others while pointing at a non-pod person trying to escape. I've seen this referenced in Futurama, South Park, Despicable Me 2, The World's End, and probably countless other places. The original is a classic that I think everyone should see but this remake is so good, I would definitely put it up there alongside the original. I think my biggest complaint against the original is the way they don't explain how the pod people take someone's place. At the end, someone falls asleep in a cave and wake up as a pod person even though their duplicate was not nearby. This movie at least shows a woman shrivel up as she's assimilated by her clone instead of some body switching magic trick. This is another one I would recommend watching in a double feature with the original. Invite some friends over and serve edamame with Japanese beer for fun!

The Thing (USA, 1982) - Color, Director(s): John Carpenter
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 109 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

As I mentioned in my review of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, this is another film that plays off the idea of an alien creature that can imitate people and hide in plain sight. Rather than creating a double, however, this time we're dealing with a shapeshifting creature that assimilates other living beings and takes their form. John Carpenter's Sci-Fi monster masterpiece is actually a remake of The Thing From Another World and is a closer adaptation to the novella it was based on. Whenever I think about the pinnacle of practical monster effects, this is usually the first movie that comes to mind. Despite being 33 years old, the effects still hold up today and puts the 2011 remake/prequel to shame.

The story is simple. A group of people are trapped at an Antarctic research site with the aforementioned shapeshifting creature that can imitate any living being so perfectly, it can even fool a biologist. What really makes this movie work is the isolated setting and the paranoid atmosphere it creates. The research facility is removed from civilization and it's snowing outside, so they're limited to staying indoors mostly. With about a dozen people in the crew and a monster on the loose that can impersonate any one of them, it's impossible to trust anybody. The organism doesn't seem to have a control center in its body since random parts of it can split off and escape whenever it's in danger. Also, it can fully regenerate as long as some part of it survives. Unlike Body Snatchers though, this thing won't just silently replace you in your sleep. The assimilation process is gruesome, like watching two of those little plastic army men melt together in a microwave. Or like that guy at the end of RoboCop who gets melted by chemicals, only there's two of them and they're wrestling instead of getting splattered by a car. The things this alien does to flesh is enough to give Pinhead nightmares.

The Thing surprisingly didn't perform too well at the box offices, some speculate because of E.T.'s release a couple weeks earlier and Blade Runner opening the same day. The movie has since gained a cult following and has been given multiple comic book adaptations as well as a video game sequel. The game (released for PC, PlayStation 2, and Xbox) is a survival horror third-person shooter that maintains the paranoid atmosphere of the movie. As I mentioned before, there was a remake/prequel to this film in 2011 that Amalgamated Dynamics Inc. created unbelievably amazing animatronics and prosthetic makeup for but the studio decided to paint over with ugly CGI.

This pissed StudioADI off so much, they decided to crowdfund their own movie (Harbinger Down) that's a spiritual sequel to The Thing. Now, I've been accused of being some kind of practical effects purist before but I don't believe that's true. I do prefer practical effects but when CGI is used properly, you can't even tell it's there. I really don't mind good CGI but I'll take even the cheesiest practical effects over bad CGI any day. I wouldn't complain about the remake as much if the CGI didn't look so bad. I would also be a little more understanding if the practical effects underneath the CGI wasn't up to par but StudioADI did a fantastic job and it's a shame all their hard work went to waste.

Nudity: None

Remember kids, fire kills most aliens...

Gore: Plenty. As I mentioned before, the assimilation process is a grotesque orgy of flesh and body parts. Like a Picasso painting come to life during a bad drug trip. Anyone who is overly squeamish might be turned off but if you're reading this blog, chances are you'll be fine.

Awesome: to the MAX! For me, the special effects are definitely the star of this film but I don't want to downplay the story either. Overall, I think this is a very well-balanced film that's surprisingly underrated. I always mention this to people who haven't seen it and I honestly cannot recommend it enough. John Carpenter considers this to be the first film in his Apocalypse Trilogy, followed by Prince of Darkness and In the Mouth of Madness. While the movies aren't connected, they each feature a potentially apocalyptic scenario. Rent all three movies and make a marathon out of it! Or throw this in with the Invasion of the Body Snatchers movies and have yourself an alien impostor movie marathon.

They Live (USA, 1988) - Color, Director(s): John Carpenter
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 93 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Back-to-back John Carpenter films! With Wes Craven week just around the corner, I wanted to pay homage to another tragic loss we suffered this year when "Rowdy" Roddy Piper passed away. Wrestling fans knew this man as a legend and movie fans probably knew him as the wrestler who made a bunch of B-movies. Whether you're a fan of his or not, there's no denying the impact he made on people's lives and on pop culture. "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey dedicated her match at UFC 190, which she finished in 34 seconds, to his memory. She initially rejected the nickname, thinking it might be disrespectful to Piper, but embraced it after they were introduced and Piper approved of her using it. Duke Nukem fans will recognize the line, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum" which originated from this film. Even more impressive, the line apparently didn't come from Carpenter's script but rather a book of ideas Piper had for wrestling interviews.

Wrestling legend or cult icon, Piper was one of the greatest entertainers you'll ever see. Playing a drifter who finds work in Los Angeles, where he befriends Frank Armitage (Keith David), Piper accidentally discovers that aliens live among us. Disguised as the upper class, they manipulate people through subliminal messages hidden in billboards, magazines, and even our money. Piper's character, listed as John Nada in the credits, stumbles across a box of sunglasses that allow him to see through the aliens' disguises and their subliminal propaganda. This is obviously a jab at commercialism in the 80's but social and political commentary aside, this was a very unique take on the alien invasion story. They're not just snatching our bodies or demanding we take them to our leader, they're hiding quietly among us and using our own media to brainwash us.

Perhaps the most famous scene from the movie is the long fight scene between Roddy Piper and Keith David in an alley. Piper is trying to convince David's character to put on the sunglasses to see for himself but David refuses, believing Piper to be a dangerous lunatic. The scene took three weeks to rehearse and has become so popular, South Park did a shot-for-shot recreation of the entire fight. The thing that bothers me is how he doesn't try to warn the public or get any help fighting the aliens. Maybe if he found a high-ranking military leader that was human (using those sunglasses) and then showed them the aliens (using those sunglasses) he could've had some assistance. Instead, he wanders into a random bank and starts blowing aliens away. What's more, he fires into a crowd with a shotgun when there's only one alien among them! This is more satisfying to watch in an action movie but to everyone around him, he must've just seemed like a total psychopath. Luckily, there is a resistance that provides some much needed back-up as they try to reveal the aliens to the world.

Big Brother is Watching You!

Nudity: A woman's breasts can be seen while she's having sex with a man, who turns out to be an alien.

Gore: None. Sometimes blood splatters from someone getting shot but overall, it's not a gory movie.

Awesome: Very. This movie has lived on as a cult classic for a reason. Whether it's the political and social commentary that really does it for you or it's just watching "Rowdy" Roddy Piper fight a bunch of ugly aliens, this is a fun movie that everyone should see. I would still consider this an underrated film despite the recognition it has gotten since its initial release just based on how many people I talk to who haven't seen the film. I feel like it's very popular among groups of people who have seen it, hence cult film, but I feel like more people know of it than people who have actually seen it. Piper reunited with co-star Keith David in the insanely over-the-top Saints Row IV, where they had to fight aliens once again. The fight scene between Piper and David is partially recreated and the mission is obviously a homage to this film. Shout! Factory has a Collector's Edition of this film for only $14.99 with incredible artwork by The Dude Designs. BUY it today, this movie is fun on a bun! (OBEY)

The Last House on the Left (USA, 1972) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: X
[UK: 18]
Approx. 84 min.

Z-rating: 2.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

To kick off our week long tribute to Wes Craven, we have the film that first introduced the world to him. This low-budget exploitation flick, inspired by a Swedish film called The Virgin Spring, was produced by Sean S. Cunningham (who would later go on to direct Friday the 13th) and was heavily censored upon its release, even banned in some countries. The home video release would make it onto the UK's infamous Video Nasties banned list. Despite all of this, the movie was a commercial success, making over $3 million at the box offices. There are various cuts of the film and some scenes remain lost to this day due to copies being edited before they were shown.

The film is about two girls, Mari and Phyllis, who are headed to a concert in the city for Mari's 17th birthday. Along the way, they try to buy some pot and are kidnapped by a gang of four recently escaped criminals. Led by Krug (yeah, like Freddy Krueger) played by David Hess, they gang rape Phyllis while Mari watches on in horror. Meanwhile, Mari's parents are planning a surprise party for her back home. The next morning, Krug and the gang drive the girls out into the woods where they strip, torture and rape them again. After leaving the girls in the woods, they unknowingly end up at Mari's house and pretend to be traveling salesman. Mari's parents take them in for the night but then discover what they've done to their daughter. Now the parents want revenge!

As far as shocking violence goes, I personally feel like it pales in comparison to films today. At the time of its release, however, the film was given an X-rating by the MPAA despite Wes Craven cutting up to 20 minutes worth of footage from the film. Supposedly Craven added it all back in and got an R-rating through a friend of his on the film board. Surprisingly, the film remained banned in the UK for 28 years until the uncut version finally received an 18 rating in 2002. In Australia, it was banned for 32 years until it finally got a DVD release in 2004. Without mentioning movies like A Serbian Film, I Spit on Your Grave, and the Guinea Pig movies, I feel like mainstream hard-R horror films contain more violence. I can understand how this movie might've been shocking for its time but it was rejected and banned in the UK as recently as 2001.

Nudity: I feel like doing some Joe Bob Briggs Drive-In Totals for this: 6 breasts, 2 bare buttocks, 2 hairy muffs, 2 instances of oral sex, forced lesbian rape, and implied gang rape. Aside from the nudity, most of the sexual sequences happen offscreen or are implied.

Gore: Multiple stabbings with a switchblade, shooting, throat slitting, castration via mastication, death by chainsaw, arms roll. Not explicitly violent when compared to movies like Saw, but I'm sure it was all pretty shocking for its time.

Awesome: Not very, I feel as though the reputation of this film precedes it. I can see why it's historically significant, ushering in an era when violent exploitation horror films became popular among grindhouse patrons. Making it onto the UK's Video Nasties list only helped further its reputation. However, with much of the sexual activity happening offscreen punctuated by awkward comedy scenes involving a couple of cops, the film's tone is inconsistent at best. I personally expected more from a film with the reputation this one has. In 2009, there was a remake produced by Wes Craven and was the first project of his new studio Midnight Pictures. Despite receiving mixed reviews, the new film upped the gore factor in the wake of films like Saw and Hostel. Between the two, I would probably recommend the remake as it would be more in line with the expectations of today's audiences.

The Hills Have Eyes (USA, 1977) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 89 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Craven's next big film was about a suburban family on a road trip being stalked by a band of cannibals when their car breaks down in the middle of the desert. I don't what the hell the father's problem is but he freaks out at the sound of a fighter jet passing overhead and floors it in his station wagon. His eldest daughter, Lynne (played by Dee Wallace who fans may recognize from The Lords of Salem, Cujo, and Critters), is in the backseat holding a BABY and he's just flying down the road. Then he swerves at the last second to avoid a RABBIT and wrecks the car. I'm sorry, if endangering the lives of your entire family for a rabbit seems like a good idea... maybe you probably deserve to be cannibalized.

"I knew I should've made that left turn at Albuquerque."

The other member of the family that really annoyed me was Brenda. She was attacked on the trailer by a couple of the cannibals but she wasn't injured or anything. One of them tries to steal the baby and Lynne catches him in the act. She desperately fights to get her baby back and mom even jumps in, hitting him with a broom. All the while, Brenda is crawling around on the floor not doing jack shit while a dangerous cannibal maniac is attacking her sister and mother. She sees a weapon that one of the cannibals left behind but instead of picking it up and stabbing him with it, she slides it over to Lynne who already has her hands full with the cannibal on top of her! Sure enough, he pulls out a gun and shoots both Lynne and her mother before escaping with the baby. Characters like these are the ones you want to see get it in horror movies. They're the reason you cheer for the monsters instead of the people.

"I'm not really hurt but I'm just gonna crawl around so I don't have to help."

Luckily, the rest of the family isn't nearly as stupid or useless and you actually want to see them survive. I consider this film to be far more watchable today than Craven's previous, The Last House on the Left. Once again, I understand the film's historical significance but I just don't think it holds up as well for modern audiences. With that said, I think The Hills Have Eyes holds up a little better thanks to Michael Berryman's bizarre browless bald-headed appearance and Lance Gordon's piranha-toothed cannibal, Mars. Even with movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Wrong Turn that also feature inbred cannibal families, Berryman's Pluto and Gordon's Mars really makes this movie more memorable.

Like The Last House on the Left, this film also got the remake treatment with Wes Craven as producer. In the wake of movies like Saw and Hostel, critics coined the term "torture porn" to describe movies that combined elements of slashers with splatter films. At the height of its popularity, a group of directors were dubbed the Splat Pack were known for their ultra-violent movies and constantly clashing with the MPAA. This group included the likes of Eli Roth (Hostel, Cabin Fever), James Wan (Saw), Rob Zombie (House of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects) and more. Among them were Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension) who would direct the ultra-violent remake of Craven's cult cannibal classic. Much like Last House, I would probably still recommend the remake over the original. For its time, it shows what an incredibly talented filmmaker Craven was but when judging the film, I would have to say Aja did a fantastic job of updating it for modern audiences.

Nudity: None.

Gore: Mild, especially when compared to the remake. There are some disturbing moments like people burned alive and then cannibalized but nothing is shown explicitly. For those who are sensitive to animal violence, the cannibals kill one of the family's dogs (the scene was film with the body of a dead dog). The dog that lives is by far the most useful member of the family. Taking out a couple of the cannibals on his own! Also, Mars rips the head off a bird and drinks its blood in one scene.

Pictured: The real hero of the film

Awesome: I definitely think this one holds up better than Craven's Last House on the Left. As a standalone film, I would probably recommend it to people who haven't seen it yet. I definitely think it's worth a watch for horror fans or Craven fans. Based on the strength of Aja's remake though, I would have to recommend the updated version. Some remakes are completely unnecessary (A Nightmare on Elm Street) but the remakes for both Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes expanded on the foundation that Craven built. Even Craven was interested in what they could do with Last House without the budgetary restrictions he had. I think these early films are a testament to what Craven can do with what he's given but his best work was still to come.

The People Under the Stairs (USA, 1991) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 102 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

By this time, Craven was an established director with movies like A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Serpent and the Rainbow, and even a few Twilight Zone episodes under his belt. This film is described as a horror comedy and I suppose it does fall along those lines. This is also such a strange movie, I'm not really sure how to categorize it. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I would recommend skipping this review and going straight to the movie. This is one of those films that's better when you're not sure what to expect.

If I were to give a quick summary, the film is about two men and a kid trying to rob a house only to find it filled with hidden doors, secret passageways, and booby traps. There are cannibalistic children locked in the basement and the owners are completely psychotic. From that summary alone, it would probably sound something like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but there's so much more to it. The movie opens with a family getting evicted because they're unable to pay their rent. On top of that, the mother is ill and needs a surgery they can't afford. The landlords want to level the building a put a condominium in its place. Ving Rhames comes to the child ("Fool" played by Brandon Adams) with a proposition to rob the landlords, The Robesons. If you went into the movie not knowing what to expect, the first act plays out like a hood drama and reminded me a little of the movie Fresh. The Robesons come off as a little eccentric but not too different from how greedy rich people are typically portrayed... at first glance.

Not until they actually make it into the house does the extent of The Robesons' true madness becomes apparent. This reminded me a lot of From Dusk Till Dawn, how it starts off like some kind of crime thriller until they get to the Titty Twister. Once inside the house, Fool finds their associate murdered and fed to a bunch of cannibal children living in the basement. One of them (Roach) escaped into the walls of the house and survived with the help of a seemingly normal girl named Alice. The Robesons, who just go by Mommy and Daddy, kill Ving Rhames with sadistic glee before Daddy dons a BDSM murder suit and fires randomly into the walls with a shotgun hoping to kill Roach. Mommy is an abusive, overbearing authoritarian like the mother in Carrie. The issue of "Why don't people ever call the cops in these types of movies?" is addressed when Fool actually escapes and tries to report The Robesons for child abuse. With their slaughter dungeon obscured by a shelf, they act like totally normal people in front of the police.

This movie is more of a Black Comedy than Horror with lines like "Yeah, and maybe the President will make me Secretary of Pussy" delivered by Ving Rhames. Daddy is a buffoon who is constantly getting clocked over the head, he prances around with child-like delight whenever he thinks he's gotten the best of Fool, and I swear he sounded like Jim Carrey on more than one occasion. One time he's standing there with a shotgun and Fool comes outta nowhere with a dick punch that catches him off-guard. This movie will keep you guessing at every turn.

Nudity: None, although incest and sexual child abuse is hinted at.

Gore: Ving Rhames' body is cut up and fed to the cannibals, a severed hand is fed to a dog, and someone is attacked by a group of cannibals.

Awesome: Very. The eccentric Robesons, and their house, reminded me of The Addams Family. On the commentary track for Scream! Factory's Blu-ray release of this film, Craven says he was inspired by a news report about a family that kept their children locked up their entire lives. The kids were only discovered when neighbors called the police after seeing burglars break into their home. Craven is truly a pioneer, The Last House on the Left has a gritty chainsaw murder 2 years before The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Hills Have Eyes paved the way for movies like Wrong Turn. And this movie featured Ving Rhames with a gimp 3 years before Pulp Fiction does, although Rhames doesn't get sodomized here. I highly recommend this one for anyone who enjoys dark humor.

Scream (USA, 1996) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 111 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Alongside A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream stands as one of Craven's crowning achievements. During a time when the popularity of horror was waning, Scream reinvigorated interest in the genre while simultaneously spawning a new wave of self-aware teen horror flicks like I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legends, Final Destination, and even sequels to existing franchises like Bride of Chucky and Halloween: H20. Written by aspiring screenwriter Kevin Williamson, the project almost had a different director because Craven was tied up in the production of The Haunting. Other directors who were approached included Danny Boyle, George A. Romero, Robert Rodriguez, and Sam Raimi. Up to this point, horror movies had typically been populated by a cast of unknown actors due to their smaller budgets and critics often snubbing the genre as a whole. When Drew Barrymore read the script, she approached the development team personally to request a role. Her involvement is believed to have attracted other popular actors and ultimately led to Craven's decision to direct the film.

Due to other obligations, Barrymore could not play Sidney Prescott as she was originally cast so she was given a reduced role instead. [Spoiler Warning] As a result, she was killed off at the beginning of the film which came as a huge shock to audiences who probably expected her to be the lead. Craven had previously played around with the idea of a self-aware horror movie in New Nightmare where the actors were essentially becoming their characters. In Scream, the characters are aware of the "rules" of horror movies and even openly mocked the clichés while the movie subverted them. As much as they poked fun at the conventions of horror films, specifically slashers, they almost had to follow those same rules to survive.

Kids, this was called a "video rental store" where you would go to rent movies for $3/day.

The idea that the killer isn't some supernatural baddie but some kid you go to school with, wearing a mask anyone can buy at a Halloween store, just made you believe it could happen anywhere. Everyone started getting caller ID after that. Funny, this movie doesn't feel that old (even though its 20th anniversary is coming up) but you can see how much technology has changed over the years. There's a scene where Sidney is attacked by the killer and moments later, her boyfriend climbs through the window. While consoling her, his cell phone falls out of his pocket and she immediately runs downstairs to get away from him. If that happened today, no one would think twice about it but the cell phone was supposed to be a dead giveaway that he was the killer. In fact, while watching that scene again recently, it took me a moment to process what was happening.

Exhibit A. If that's a Nokia, it could've been used to bludgeon someone to death!

Nudity: None. I've come to realize that Wes Craven's films don't typically feature a lot of nudity. Although he did direct an adult film under the pseudonym of Abe Snake!

Gore: There was a lot of blood and even some disembowelings, as expected from a slasher film.

Awesome: Very. This movie was extremely popular when I was in middle school. I remember watching it over a dozen times over the summer when I was visiting my family in Vancouver. Everyone's tried doing their best impression of the voice changer while asking "What's your favorite scary movie?" at least once over the phone. This film is as much a love letter to slashers as it is a satire of its tropes. As much as it tries to lampoon the classic slasher films, this movie has become iconic in its own rights. The film was so successful that it spawned three sequels and most recently, a TV series. Scary Movie even launched its own franchise parodying this and other horror movies. (Fun fact: the original title for this film was Scary Movie during development but Bob Weinstein changed it to Scream shortly before its release)

For the official trailer, click here: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2454454553/

Scream 2 (USA, 1997) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 120 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

One year later, a sequel to the immensely popular Scream dropped with Wes Craven back in the director's chair and Kevin Williamson writing the screenplay. The surviving cast from the first film returned along with names like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jada Pinkett-Smith (credited as Jada Pinkett), Timothy Olyphant, and Jerry O'Connell.

The murders of the first film have now been adapted into a movie titled Stab by Gale Weathers (Courtney Cox). Let me just say, The Stab movie premiere looks fucking *AMAZING*! Free costume with fake knife, William Castle-esque puppets flying over the crowd, and black lights that make your mask and knife glow-in-the-dark?! THAT'S a premiere I want to go to! With everyone dressed like Ghostface, a copycat killer murders Jada Pinkett-Smith and Omar Epps. Sidney (Neve Campbell) and Randy (Jamie Kennedy) are now in college and it turns out the two slaughtered theater patrons attended the same school. Reporters, including Gale Weathers, immediately swarm in for the story and Dewey (David Arquette) flies out from Woodsboro. With the gang back together, they try to stop the copycat killer who's trying to recreate the Woodboro murders.

After the first movie, there were plenty of advances in telephone services like *69, caller ID, and call waiting. This movie was smart to address these new services rather than pretend they didn't exist. Much like the first movie, this one skewers the conventions of horror movies and sequels in particular. To quote Randy, in sequels "the body count is always bigger" and "the death scenes are always much more elaborate. More blood, more gore." The body count isn't much higher than the first film but some important characters get bumped off. As a sequel, this movie is definitely bigger, even the actors who show up in bit parts are more recognizable. Heather Graham, Tori Spelling, Luke Wilson, even David Warner shows up as a drama teacher.

Nudity: None

Gore: As the tagline says, "Gorier, Sexier, Funnier" I'm not sure about about sexier since there's not much nudity in either of these movies but the stabbings are more brutal. As I mentioned before though, the body count isn't even that much higher. I mean, Gale's cameraman lives! Who's more expendable than a cameraman?? He couldn't have been that important since he doesn't come back in the 3rd one.

Awesome: Very. When we first see Randy, he's in Film Theory class and they're having a discussion that every movie geek can relate to. Scenes like this are definitely what make the Scream movies so much fun. The stakes seemed higher in this one too. The killers from the first one were a couple of high school kids in a small town, flying under the radar of the police. This time around, the police were on high alert and there were tons of reporters around covering the high profile murders. There were even a couple of detectives that followed Sidney around like they were the Secret Service protecting the President or something. I did sometimes question how the killers were able to get away with so much even with so many people around. Sometimes, the killer even seemed to pop-up out of nowhere in situations where it seems like someone should've noticed or seen him coming. In the end, this is a movie about horror movies and they even turned the events of first movie into a movie within the movie. Don't over-analyze it and just have fun watching people get sliced and diced.

For the official trailer, click here: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2471231769/

Scream 3 (USA, 2000) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 116 min.

Z-rating: 2.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Judging by the poster above, it's apparent they intended Scream to be a trilogy. Historically, the third installments in trilogies have typically been the weakest. This could be attributed to the once fresh ideas of the original film(s) getting stale by the third one or maybe the quality of the films are actually diminishing because studios are only concerned with squeezing more money out of the franchise. Whether you're talking about The Godfather: Part III, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Alien 3, Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3, or The Matrix Revolutions, third films seem to be universally despised. Of course, there are exceptions but unfortunately Scream 3 just doesn't seem to be one of them. With the lowest box office earnings (at the time) of the franchise, and less than flattering reviews from audiences and critics alike, the film seemed like a lackluster end to what is probably the best slasher franchise of the 90's. But did it really deserve all of the negative reviews it got?

Kevin Williamson originally wrote outlines for each of the sequels when he was shopping the script around for the original Scream, trying to sell it as a franchise rather than a standalone film. Unfortunately, Williamson was unavailable by the time this movie went into production so Ehren Kruger was brought in to write the script (what is up with Wes Craven and the name Kruger?). Now, I'm not saying that he's directly responsible for how the film turned out, but Kruger dumped many of Williamson's notes when writing the script. Williamson is the creator of these characters and it's his story, I just wonder if straying too far from what he envisioned didn't attribute to how poorly the film was received. (Fun fact: Kruger is most recently known for writing the last 3 of the 4 Transformers movies)

So this movie centers around the filming of Stab 3, the movies based on the "real life" murders in Scream. Only now, someone is killing the actors in the order they die in the script. Dewey (David Arquette) is a technical adviser on the film and Gale (Courtney Cox) is brought in by the police to help investigate the murders. Sidney is now living a secluded lifestyle, working as a crisis counselor over the phone, so she doesn't really interact with the rest of the cast until half-way through the movie. The killer stepped up his game this time around with a voice changer that can imitate the voices of other people. I will admit it was fun to see the characters interact with the actor who are playing them, like Gale shares a lot of screen time with Jennifer Jolie (Parker Posey) who constantly insists her version of Gale would smarter or better than the "real" one. In the finale, it is revealed that the killer has a deep connection with Sidney. Even being personally responsible for influencing Billy Loomis (the killer in the first film) to target Sidney, setting the events of the entire franchise in motion, and is also the one who really killed Sidney's mother, Maureen Prescott, the crime Cotton Weary (Liev Schreiber) spent a year in jail for.

If you like looking for cameos, a few of recognizable faces turn up. Roger Corman plays a studio exec on the set of Stab 3, Carrie Fisher is a studio archivist who "looks like" Fisher and was also up for the part of Leia, and none other than Jay and Silent Bob are a part of the studio tour. I don't mean Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes but the characters of Jay and Silent Bob (The following year, Jay and Silent Bob stumble onto the set of the then-fictional 'Scream 4' in their own movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back). Other recognizable faces with slightly larger roles include Jenny McCarthy, Lance Henriksen, and Patrick Warburton. There's also some fun stuff in the dialogue like when they're trying to figure out who the killer might be going after next but can't because "there are three different versions of the script to prevent it from ending up on the internet." Which is funny because there were originally going to be four killers in Scream 2 but the script leaked on the internet, revealing the identity of the killers and a large chunk of the plot so Kevin Williamson was forced to rewrite the script after filming had started. And even though this is supposed to be the final film of the trilogy, they symbolically leave the door open at the end.

Pictured: Not Carrie Fisher

Nudity: None. A woman is shown getting out of the shower but Craven never shows us the goods!

Look who's back! Sorta...

Gore: In response to the Columbine massacre, the violence in the film was significantly reduced, so they were going for more humor than blood. I can understand being sensitive to the issue but in a slasher film, reducing the amount of violence can be a huge misstep.

Awesome: They tried for a hat trick here but it seems they weren't quite able to pull it off. Overall, I don't think Scream 3 was a bad movie but maybe not the ending the trilogy deserved. Yes, all the cameos and self-aware jokes are a lot of fun but it's not enough to make this an underrated classic. I will say the Scream franchise has some solid continuity, which you don't usually see in horror movies. One of the killers in Scream 2 was Billy Loomis' mother who wants revenge for the death of her son. The Greek letter necklace that Sidney's boyfriend gave her in the second movie sets off a metal detector in this one. Overall, I don't think this film was the disaster some people make it out to be but the biggest strike against it is cutting down on the gore and violence. If Columbine was such a concern, maybe they should've held back on releasing a slasher film rather than watering it down. And if they were going to do that, they could've at least had the decency to throw in some gratuitous nudity or something.

For the official trailer, click here: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1050478105/

Scream 4 (USA, 2011) - Color, Director(s): Wes Craven
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 111 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

11 years after the "final" installment in what was supposed to be a trilogy, they added another sequel. Hitting theaters in April, when there aren't any other horror movies playing, Scream 4 still had the second-lowest opening of the franchise. Despite this, reviews for the film seem to be better than that of Scream 3. Kevin Williamson returns to the franchise, though he supposedly left early and they brought Ehren Kruger back. At least we got to see the return of the biggest slasher franchise of the 90's.

Dewey is now the Sheriff of Woodsboro, Gale has given up her career as a reporter, and Sidney is now an author with the last stop of her book tour being her own hometown. We're introduced to a new generation of Woodsboro teens, specifically Sidney's cousin Jill (played by Emma Roberts) and her friends, who all seem to be movie buffs as if to carry on the spirit of Randy. Rather than satirizing slashers specifically, the movie seems to be taking jabs at the horror genre as a whole. Despite not actually being a remake, the characters insist the killer is working by the rules of horror remakes since "remakes are the only horror studios will greenlight." Running with that theme, they repeatedly mention how the killer is patterning his kills after the original murders in Woodsboro. This would by the same type of self-aware "meta" dialogue that first endeared us to the original Scream but it feels forced here. The first Scream was great because it was a slasher with kids who knew the rules to slasher movies but still made the same mistakes that got them killed. Scream 2 was a sequel that played on the idea of sequels having bigger and better kills. Scream 4 is a sequel they tacked on over a decade after the end of the trilogy. If they played off this more rather than trying to push it as remake or soft reboot, which it's not, the dialogue might've seemed more natural. A Star Wars or Indiana Jones reference would've so appropriate but instead, the movie feels like it's just poking fun at other horror movies without the same level of self-awareness the originals had. This doesn't make it any less fun to watch though.

"Guaranteed third act main cast bloodbath"

The new rules are the unexpected is the new cliché, kills have to be more extreme, and reversals have become the standard since "modern audiences got savvy to the rules of the originals." With an opening sequence that plays with your expectations and the final girl being the reverse of what you probably expect, at least this movie plays by its own rules. What's interesting was how they mentioned the killer should be recording the kills to upload onto the internet. This is obviously commenting on the popularity of vlogging, video reviews, webcasts, and sites like YouTube. With a character even going as far as saying that "people gotta see this shit, it's not like anyone reads anymore." While that does seem to be the case with the younger generation, the only movies I've ever seen where a slasher actually records his kills are in the Laid to Rest films.

Nudity: One of movie geeks had his "fingers crossed on some nudity for a change" (I did too!) but unfortunately, Craven is just a big tease.

Gore: After the rise of "torture porn" and ultra-violent movies like Haute Tension, The Devil's Rejects, and even the remake of Craven's own The Hills Have Eyes, they definitely knocked the gore up another notch. (Bam!) With the highest body count of the franchise and more brutal stabbings, they didn't skimp on the reason we're all here.

Awesome: Pretty awesome. While not nearly as influential or groundbreaking as the original, this brought back a fun franchise for a new generation. There are a ton of young recognizable faces the likes of Kristen Bell, Erik Knudsen, Lucy Hale, and Hayden Panettiere who is fantastic as Kirby nailing the horror movie trivia. Anna Paquin makes a cameo appearance and Marley Shelton (Grindhouse) plays a deputy who has a little crush on Dewey. Anthony Anderson is always fun and speaking of cops, it seems like they're always headed in the wrong direction. I can remember at least two separate instances of a cop cars making a hard U-turn after saying something like "I'm on my way!" Anyway, this movie has the best bedpan beatdown I've seen since "Stone Cold" Steve Austin whooped Vince McMahon's ass at the hospital. And bonus points for the girls watching Shaun of the Dead in one scene. If you like slashers, chances are you'll like this movie. Despite mixed reviews, I think most people will agree it's a better way to cap off the franchise than Scream 3.

The Fly (USA/UK/Canada, 1986) - Color, Director(s): David Cronenberg
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 96 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

David Cronenberg is the King of Body Horror with movies like Shivers, Videodrome, and eXistenZ under his belt, he is a true pioneer of the genre. One of his best, and probably the film he's most known for, is the 1986 remake of The Fly. Jeff Goldblum plays Seth Brundle, a scientist on the verge of perfecting teleportation technology with his "Telepods". At a party, he meets a reporter (Veronica played by Geena Davis) and takes her back to his place to show them off. I bet that makes a great pick-up line too, "Hey baby, you wanna see my telepods?" So he basically shows her the high tech equivalent of a magic trick by teleporting her stocking and now she wants to write an article about his invention. The problem is the telepods will only teleport inanimate objects, so he wants her to document him finishing them instead. I think it's kind of a dick move for him to hold back on the teleporters, even if they can't teleport people they could still use it to deliver packages or something.

After some good old-fashioned animal testing (where a baboon gets mutilated) and some boning, he figures out how to code the computer to teleport organic material. Like any good story, he gets drunk and decides to test the telepods himself but doesn't realize there's a fly in the pod with him. The computer doesn't know how to encode two different organisms and fuses them together. Brundle emerges from the telepod seemingly normal but this is where the body horror element comes in as we watch Brundle's body break down over time. Thick insect-like hairs and lesions appear throughout his body while his hair, teeth, and nails start falling out. To make matters worse, Geena Davis is pregnant with his child.

Jeff Goldblum is absolutely amazing in this movie, he practically carries the entire film. Not to take anything away from Geena Davis but Goldblum just nails it from his awkward mumbling shy guy act through his overaggressive phase and finally the nervous ticks of turning into a fly monster. Davis' editor (John Getz) is also her ex-boyfriend and a total stalker creep. The guy showers at her place, refuses to give the key to her apartment back, and follows her when she's spending the night at Brundle's place. I can't believe he's the one supporting her in the end like we're supposed to cheer for this creep.

Nudity: There are a few sex scenes and a ton of pseudo-nudity. Unless you were looking forward to seeing Jeff Goldblum's ass though, most of the other nudity is cleverly obscured like an Austin Powers intro sequence. We do get the occasional peek at some cleavage or side boob though.

Gore: Brundlefly's final transformation is incredible, I would put the effects up there with John Carpenter's The Thing. Also, Brundlefly vomits on someone's hand and foot which dissolves in his corrosive stomach acid. The make-up actually won the Academy Award for Best Makeup that year for Stephan Dupuis (Visiting Hours, Jason X) and Chris Walas (known for designing the Gremlins) who also went on to helm the sequel in his directorial debut.

Awesome: to the MAX! Watching as Seth Brundle slowly deteriorates over the second-half of the movie is absolutely horrifying. What's more, Geena Davis' character is pregnant with his child and she has no idea what could be growing inside of her. As if having a baby wasn't scary enough, there's a chance a monster could be growing inside of her like the chestburster from Alien. She even has a nightmare about giving birth to a maggot. I would HIGHLY recommend this to anyone who hasn't seen it and even if you've already seen it. I revisited it to write this review and it still stands as one of my favorite movies of all time.

Contracted (USA, 2013) - Color, Director(s): Eric England
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
[UK: 18]
Approx. 78 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

Sticking with the Body Horror theme, Contracted is a body horror and quasi-cautionary tale. Najarra Townsend plays Samantha, a beautiful young lady who's working as a waitress while trying to win a Flower & Floral Competition so she can afford her own place. In the meantime, she's staying with her mother (Caroline Williams), with whom she has a strained relationship, and comes off as an ungrateful brat. Samantha is also in a lesbian relationship with Nikki, who is an insufferable bitch and obviously trying to push her away. For whatever reason, she seems to push everyone who wants to help her away and latches onto Nikki.

Check out this dude's drug box

Everything changes when she's raped at a friend's party by a sick, degenerate morgue attendant who has sex with the stiffs and then handles test tubes without gloves. After work, he goes to parties to drug and rape women. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy? Samantha wakes up the next morning with some strange symptoms like a high-pitched ringing in her ears, cramps, and excessive vaginal bleeding. Over time, she starts deteriorating and losing hair, teeth, fingernails... you know, the typical body horror routine. Samantha's mother is concerned about her strange behavior because she had a dark history of drug abuse and depression. By day 3, she's bleeding from both ends and looks like she's decomposing from the inside out. In the most disturbing scene of the entire film, she seduces a guy and maggots crawl out of her cooter in the middle of banging him. I wouldn't have spoiled this scene but I wanted everyone to know what they were getting into. I find that WAY more disgusting than the idea of a Human Centipede.

The lesson here for the ladies is to always pour your own drinks and never put them down. And for guys... don't fuck dead bodies, especially the ones with biohazard toe tags. The reason I call this a quasi-cautionary tale is because the "lessons" are just thinly veiled excuses to show a bunch of disturbing body horror setpieces. Samantha wakes up with blood coming out of every orifice on her body and she's forced to go into work so someone can find her fingernail in their salad. Nevermind going to a doctor, there's no one to cover her shift. Contagious? Who cares, make this salad without wearing any gloves.

Nudity: There isn't any nudity but this is the most unsexy movie I've ever seen. I'm actually glad there isn't any nudity.

Damn.

Gore: There's a ton of blood and disturbing imagery. I've seen some of the most violent and disgusting movies ever made. Eyeballs stabbed with screwdrivers, tongues stretched and peeled with potato peelers, necrophilia, and pseudo-snuff films. Despite all that, I still found this movie a little hard to watch. There isn't anything excessively gory or violent but it's the way some of the scenes are presented that make it particularly cringeworthy. For example, Samantha uses the toilet and it looks like someone had a coat hanger abortion in the bowl after she gets up.

Awesome: I don't know if I would call this movie awesome, effective is probably the word I would use since it's not a very pleasant experience. As if having an STD isn't scary enough, having things falling out of your body is absolutely terrifying. Watching as this beautiful girl deteriorates is a lot like watching a fragile flower wither. (Har har) The ending makes it a different kind of movie altogether disguised as a body horror. I don't want to give it away but it makes this movie seem like a prequel to something else. There is a sequel that I haven't seen it yet, so I'm curious to see where it goes from here.

Tremors (USA, 1990) - Color, Director(s): Ron Underwood
MPAA Rating: PG-13
[UK: 12A]
Approx. 96 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

Tremors wasn't a big hit during its theatrical run but gained popularity in the home video market where it tripled its box office gross in VHS sales and rentals. They played it on TV all the time when I was a kid and that's how I was first exposed to it. Growing up, I must've seen this movie at least a dozen times and it was probably my favorite monster movie aside from anything with Godzilla in it. This would often serve as an alternative to the "floor is lava" game where you had to get up on the sofa before you were pulled underground by a giant subterranean worm. The creature effects were done by none other than Amalgamated Dynamics (I mentioned them briefly in my review of The Thing) who created one of the coolest monsters ever. (since it's a Universal movie, the Graboid is technically a Universal Monster!)

The movie follows a couple of handymen, played by Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward, who decide to leave their quiet little town of Perfection, Nevada. Unfortunately, the day they picked to leave town was the day a bunch of giant sandworms show up and start swallowing people. These "Graboids" as they're eventually named, burrow through the ground and hunt by sensing seismic vibrations in the ground. They have three snake-like tentacles for tongues that help to drag prey into their mouths and their appearance is similar to Mongolian Death Worms, a cryptid believed to live in the Gobi desert. Since they don't have any limbs, the only way to avoid being eaten by them is to climb up on a large rock or rooftop. These creatures are strong enough to pull a station wagon underground, intelligent enough to not fall for the same trick twice, and even set traps to catch their prey. They're also incredibly patient, sometimes waiting weeks for someone to come back down to the ground.

Nudity: None, although Finn Carter takes her pants off to avoid being eaten by a Graboid.

Gore: Most of the people who are killed are just pulled underground where they're devoured by the Graboids. They do manage to blow up a couple of them and their smelly guts rain down on everyone.

Awesome: Very. Much like Jaws, they don't show the monster right away. First we see something moving under the ground, then one of the snake-like tentacles attached to Kevin Bacon's truck, and finally the big reveal comes when one of the Graboids bursts up out of the ground. There are appearances from Victor Wong (Big Trouble in Little China) as a shop owner and a young Ariana Richards a couple years before Jurassic Park. Easily the best characters in the movie are Michael Gross (of Family Ties fame) and country music star Reba McEntire (in her film acting debut) as Burt and Heather Gummer, a couple of hardcore gun enthusiasts/survivalists/doomsday preppers. The scene where they use damn near every gun in their arsenal to kill a Graboid is best. Michael Gross really makes this franchise his own as he appears in every subsequent sequel, including the TV series, and eventually becomes the star. The 5th installment came out earlier this month on Blu-ray/DVD. This was the only one in the series to have a theatrical release, the rest of the franchise has been direct-to-video. They're all pretty fun to watch though, as long as you have a sense of humor. Marathon all 5 movies if you can!

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (USA, 1982) - Color, Director(s): Tommy Lee Wallace
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 98 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

I know I haven't reviewed the rest of this franchise yet but I decided to do this one first because it stands apart from the others. After the ending of Halloween II, where Michael Myers was presumed dead, they were originally planning to turn this into an anthology series with each installment telling a different Halloween-themed story. Unfortunately, Halloween III was panned by critics and audiences who were expecting the return of Michael Myers. For many years this remained the black sheep of the franchise until recently when it experienced a sort of revival among horror fans as a standalone cult film. What's funny is that audiences would eventually tire of slasher films and complain that the long running franchises like Halloween were just rehashing the same ideas over and over again. I guess you really can't please all of the people all the time.

Without any connection to the previous films, Halloween III opens with man running for his life. After escaping from the men who are trying to kill him, he ends up at a hospital in the care of Tom Atkins (Night of the Creeps) who notices him clutching a Halloween mask and reacting strangely to a commercial for the Silver Shamrock Novelties company that produce the masks. The man who is later identified as Harry Grimbridge is killed by a mysterious stranger wearing black gloves that also burns himself alive in a car afterwards. When the daughter, Ellie, starts asking questions that no one seems to be able to answer, Tom Atkins agrees to investigate the mysterious circumstances of his death with her.

Their investigation leads them to the fictional California town of Santa Mira (The same one from Invasion of the Body Snatchers) where the Silver Shamrock factory is located. There they uncover a diabolical, if not convoluted, plot by the owner to return Halloween to its ancient roots of human sacrifice and witchcraft using androids, fragments of Stonehenge, and masks that react to a jingle and melt children's faces. This bizarre mix of science fiction and witchcraft is such a departure from the slasher theme of the original films, it's easy to see why it may have been jarring to anyone expecting another Michael Myers film. In fact, the only references to the original film are short clips playing on television in the background during certain scenes.

Nudity: Stacey Nelkin is shown getting out of the shower and Tom Atkins sucks on Nelkin's breast but nothing is shown. We do get a shot of Tom Atkins' ass as he's getting out of bed if that's what you were hoping to see.

Gore: Since this isn't a slasher film, the scenes containing gore are far and few between. The masks that melt children's skulls also cause a swarm of insects and snakes to crawl out of their heads because reasons.

Awesome: I actually didn't see this movie until after its resurgence of popularity. Slashers were my preferred subgenre when I first got into horror movies and I was told by a friend to avoid the third film because it has absolutely nothing to do with Michael Myers. Combined with the negative reviews online, I didn't get around to seeing this film until much later. As part of the franchise, it definitely stands out as a bizarre entry that is completely irrelevant to the Michael Myers saga. As a standalone film, it was an interesting departure for the series that at least tried to do something original when other franchises were all beating the same dead horse. The masks and Silver Shamrock jingle, set to the tune of "London Bride Is Falling Down", are easily the most memorable parts of this movie. There's even a reference to the commercial in the most recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series on Nickelodeon. When a reference to a movie about killing kids appears in a children's show, you know you've made it. This isn't one of those films that I can't say I would recommend because its appeal may be limited to a niche audience. I personally enjoyed this film and if it sounds like something you'd enjoy, chances are you'll like it too.

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (USA, 1990) - Color, Director(s): John Harrison
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 93 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

What's Halloween without at least one horror anthology film? Tales from the Darkside was originally a television series created by George A. Romero similar to shows like The Twilight Zone, Night Gallery, and The Outer Limits. After the success of Romero's Creepshow, Laurel Entertainment was interested in producing a TV adaptation but they had to come up with a new name since Warner Bros. owned certain aspects of Creepshow. The show ran for about 4 seasons before coming to an end in the summer of 1988. Director John Harrison, who also directed several episodes of the original show, was chosen to helm the movie. The screenplay was co-written by George Romero and Michael McDowell (Beetlejuice), who also wrote for several episodes of the show.

The wraparound segment is like a modern day "Hansel and Gretel". An unassuming suburban housewife, played by Deborah Harry (Videodrome, Body Bags), is actually a witch who plans to cook a little boy (a young Matthew Lawrence) for a dinner party later that night. To avoid being eviscerated and stuffed, the boy reads her three horror stories from a book to keep her distracted.

The first segment is based on a short story, "Lot No. 249" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, which is the first story to ever vilify a reanimated mummy and is believed to have influenced their subsequent depictions as evil entities in horror movies throughout the 20th century. In this retelling, an antique collector by the name of Bellingham (Steve Buscemi) is framed by Susan (Julianne Moore) for stealing a pre-Columbian Zuni Fetish from the museum. These accusations lose a scholarship for Bellingham, who had recently acquired a sarcophagus at an auction. Upon unwrapping the mummy inside, he finds a scroll hidden within its body that he uses to revive the mummy and exact horrible revenge on those who've wronged him. Christian Slater plays Susan's brother Andy and this also marks the big screen debut of Julianne Moore. Romero's Dawn of the Dead can be seen playing on TV in one scene. The original story was written during the late-19th century's obsession with Egyptology and it's easy to see the influence on movies like Universal's The Mummy, which cemented mummies as a movie monster.

The second segment, Cat from Hell, is adapted from a short story of the same name by Stephen King. A rich old man named Drogan hires a professional hitman to kill a cat. Initially laughing it off as a joke, the hitman is informed that Drogan made his fortune in pharmaceuticals that were tested almost solely on cats and believes this one to be the embodiment of their vengeance. After supposedly killing three other people in the household, the old man now fears for his life and is willing to shell out $100,000 to have the cat exterminated. What would a scary movie, and Halloween, be with the obligatory black cat? Between this, Cat's Eye, Pet Sematary, and Sleepwalkers, it's almost like Stephen King has something against cats. I wish the cat transformed into a monster à la the rabbit in Twilight Zone: The Movie, [SPOILER]: it doesn't, but this does have some interesting POV shots through the cat's eyes.

The third and final segment takes place in New York where James Remar (Raiden from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation) is a starving artist. After getting dumped by his agent at a bar, he spends the night drowning his sorrows. The bartender offers to walk him home but they're attacked by a gargoyle in the alley. After seeing the bartender torn to pieces before his eyes, and probably dropping a fresh load in his pants, he begs for his life. The gargoyle agrees to spare him on the condition that he swears never to tell anyone about what he saw. I don't want to spoil the ending but you can probably guess that he spills the beans eventually. That's not really the important part though, it's the consequence that really surprised me. This is why you should always keep your promises!

Unfortunately for little Timmy (Lawrence), time has run out and the witch is about to cook him... but he has one final story that might help him get free.

Nudity: One breast, seen during a sex scene involving James Remar and Rae Dawn Chong.

Gore: I feel like doing some Drive-In Totals for this one: 10 Dead Bodies, embalmings, decapitation, throat biting, suffocated by a cat, choking to death on a cat, heads roll, hands roll, cars roll, old ladies roll. 4 stars! In all seriousness, this movie has some decent gore but nothing extreme or over-the-top.

Leave it to a Mummy to be artsy enough to put brains in a bowl of fruit after scooping them out with a coat hanger

Awesome: I love a good horror anthology and I really enjoyed the "book of scary stories" motif. Romero already used the comic book theme for Creepshow, as a throwback to the old EC horror comics like Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror, and The Haunt of Fear. Since they couldn't reuse it, they took deeper inspiration from the source material, reading the stories out of a book like the Crypt-Keeper would in the comics. With anthology films, the whole is typically greater than the sum of its parts. Since each segment is only allotted a portion of the total runtime, they have to tell an entire story in the given amount of time. In most instances, the segments won't stand on their own (as they aren't designed to) and rely on the collective strength of the others to elevate the entire film. For example, the Cat from Hell segment would be a little lame on its own but I really enjoyed the film overall. I just don't think cats are that scary, especially when there isn't anything wrong with the cat. At least in Pet Sematary, it's a reanimated zombie cat. The ending to that segment was still pretty great though. There were talks of a sequel that never materialized, which is shame because you can never have too many horror anthologies. I would definitely recommend this to fans of Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt. These kinds of movies are great to play in the background at parties too.

Zombieland (2009)

Night of the Creeps (1986)

Slither (2006)

The Blob (1958)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

The Thing (1982)

They Live (1988)

The Last House on the Left (1972)

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Scream (1996)

Scream 2 (1997)

Scream 3 (2000)

Scream 4 (2011)

The Fly (1986)

Contracted (2013)

Tremors (1990)

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)