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Entering The Asylum

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If there's one thing everyone should know about me, it's the fact that I absolutely love trashy schlock films. The more ridiculous and absurd, the better! By this logic, The Asylum's catalog should all be pure gold to me. With titles like Nazis at the Center of the Earth and Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, you'd think they'd at least be worth a laugh. Unfortunately, they've consistently put out some of the worst movies ever.


The Asylum is primarily known for making low-budget knock-offs of more popular mainstream films known as "mockbusters." These shameless cash-ins piggyback on the success of bigger films by having a similar title and cover art with hopes that people will mistakenly buy the wrong movie off the shelf. For example, they made gems like The Terminators, Paranormal Entity, Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls and Transmorphers. They also make those monster movies that sometimes air on the SyFy channel, like Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, their most famous being Sharknado.


I think a big part of Sharknado's success is due to the title making a great hashtag. More people know OF the movie than having actually seen it. The Asylum's movies are always better in concept as the actual movies are often totally unwatchable. I couldn't understand how one company could make so many of these movies and not turn out a single watchable film. Of course I haven't seen more than a handful of their movies, perhaps those were just the worst ones they had to offer? So I've decided to watch as many of The Asylum's films as I can to find out for sure.


I don't know that I will be able to give them proper reviews, due to the sheer volume of mind-numbing garbage I will undoubtedly be sitting through, so I will be logging them more like journal entries instead. Stay tuned for The Asylum Marathon!!


H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds (2005)

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Background: This is actually the 5th film in The Asylum's catalog, but I was unable to get my hands on the first four. Not really willing to put any extra effort into find those movies, I decided to start with their 2005 cash-in on Dreamworks' War of the Worlds starring Tom Cruise.

Both films are adaptations of H.G. Wells' novel of the same name, that Orson Welles' radio adaptation was famous for supposedly causing widespread panic when people mistakenly thought a Martian invasion was really happening. 

I've seen Dreamworks' War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise and have to say that I didn't much care for it. I much prefer the 1950's War of the Worlds adaptation. I'm curious to see whether The Asylum can do a better job of adapting the novel. I mean, they have hexapods! That's twice as many legs than the tripods in the Dreamworks version. They must be twice as bad ass! Also, the poster is obviously referencing Independence Day, which was one of the alien invasion movies of my childhood. How can this possibly go wrong??

Plot: In this modern retelling of H.G. Wells' sci-fi classic, civilization is laid to ruin when a race of super aliens invades Earth.

Trailer for Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove. You can sometimes get a general idea of a movie's quality by the trailers they play. This one starts with a low-budget killer pirate movie. This is going to be a good time, I can tell!

Jake Busey's in this? Aww yeah!

Almost 2 minutes worth of credits


TITS! We're off to a good start!

George and Felicity are preparing to go to Washington D.C. for their anniversary

Their son Alex sees a meteorite in his telescope

George is called into work and arrives in time to see the meteorite hit the ground

It's "ginormous" and "smells like ass" and is causing electromagnetic interference

A hexapod rises from the crater and starts kill the dozen or so people gathered around it

Wow, these special effects look like ass...
00:14:06 - "Listen to me! Don't come home! No no, stay there. Stay in Washington, it's not safe." Yeah, this thing came out of the ground and killed like 7 people! Fucking RUN!!!

00:15:40 - As George is leaving the city, he turns around to see this grim scene

Is that single fire? OMG!

The city is in ruins!

Some lady was told it was the work of terrorists by the Army

More hexapods show up and the soldiers shoot up at the sky for a couple minutes.

George curls up in the fetal position and avoids being killed a second time

A random soldier stumbles (literally) onto George, they decide to hole up inside a shack they tipped over and crawled underneath because the door was locked. They're totally safe now!

00:22:46 - Red skeleton

Soldier admits that he survived by jumping into a ditch

00:23:01 - "It's like bio-warfare, man. I mean, I've seen things. I've seen bio-warfare before."

00:24:43 - Is that the same red skeleton reused?

Jake Busey is starting a resistance

00:32:52 - Acid spitting cock



00:32:55 - Guy takes a load of alien jizz to the face, melty face effects are actually pretty decent


Peter Greene is George's brother. He's been torn in half by debris and George tries to give him water

00:37:30 - Two red skeletons, I was sure they only had one!

00:42:03 - " I was in my den, watching the Simpsons, when the demons first came..." Best line ever by a Pastor!

00:54:40 - 3-4 more red skeletons, it's kinda cool that these aliens have the Mars Attacks lasers that turn people into skeletons

These assholes spend like 15 minutes whispering to each other in a basement. I couldn't make out what they were saying to each other but I can't tell if I was just starting to tune it out because I was so bored.

01:14:03 - Pastor is killed by an alien money shot!

George runs into the soldier from earlier and Jake Busey, who has become the leader of the resistance.

Jake Busey shoots the soldier in the face for no reason, prompting George to bash his skull in with a rock. The other soldiers just walk away, no one really cares.

George finally makes it to Washington D.C. but finds it ruins.

Giving up, he lets a random alien kill him but it just falls over and dies. A bunch of random survivors come out of nowhere and tell him that they've been dying on their own. George is reunited with his wife and son.

Final Thoughts: This wasn't as terrible as I was expecting but it's not any good either. I do have an all-new appreciation for the Tom Cruise version though. Another thing I have to mention is that the time codes were a little different from when I watched this movie on my PS3 and when I was taking screenshots on my computer. Also, the movie was a lot darker on my computer.


King of the Lost World (2005)

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Background: After ripping off War of the Worlds, The Asylum turned their attention to Peter Jackson's King Kong remake. The original featured special effects by stop-motion animation pioneer Willis O'Brien. The Asylum version is loosely based on Arthur Conan Doyle's novel The Lost World, which also featured stop-motion effects by Willis O'Brien when adapted for the big screen. What's messed up is they actually claim to be the "epic story that inspired King Kong and Jurassic Park" on the front cover as if this movie predates both of them.

Plot: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's action-adventure classic, four plane crash survivors encounter danger in a world that time forgot.

No trailers

Movie starts with a plane crash

Some chick is trapped in a tree but gets snatched by a giant ape that looks like it was animated by the Walking with Dinosaurs effects team.

Back at the crash site, two guys survey the damage and notice that part of the plane is missing.

Cranky guy with brief case seems shady.

The Pastor who took the alien money shot to the face in War of the Worlds plays John Roxton, who leads a group of survivors through the jungle.

A member of the group is attacked by a giant spider that mummifies him and digests him in a split second.


Slimy, digested skeleton still has eyeballs

The spider looked worse than the ones from Eight Legged Freaks!

The group stumbles across a cockpit from a different plane that crashed.

They decide to camp out in the cockpit for the night and build a fire, when Mr. Shady Briefcase catches up to them.

Guy is attacked by killer vine.

Dead dragon?


00:24:00 - "I didn't sign up for this" cliché

Tribesmen seems kinda racist

They're going to wrap maggots into this chick's wound, old school medicine!


Buddha's Palm?

The soldier that Jake Busey shoots in War of the Worlds is in this too.

Mr. Shady Briefcase actually tries to hotwire a missile while smoking a cigar.

00:40:22 - "This place is surreal... it's not right, it's out of place." Ya think?? Giant spiders, killer vines, fucking DRAGONS?!

Giant scorpions! The one from earlier was just foreshadowing. I didn't think Asylum films were capable of competent writing.

The pastor who took a load of alien jizz to the face in War of the Worlds gets penetrated by giant scorpion stinger.

Giant scorpions are afraid of camera flashes, good thing this chick brought her camera with her!

00:50:43 - TITS!


Almost an hour into this movie and "King Kong" only showed up for like 5 seconds.

Girls are given mind-control drugs, guys are the real sacrifices.

Wrong Kong suffers from the same fuzzy photography syndrome that Bigfoot does. Even in still shots, he looks blurry as shit. 

I think King Kong (1933) had better special effects than this movie.

"I'm acting sad!"

Huge nuke goes off 10 feet away, no nuclear fallout and only a small crater.

"Yeah, we're probably good right here."

Hero gets two bitches though!

Final Thoughts: Considering this was a mockbuster of King Kong, the giant ape is barely in the movie. Although, I will give them credit for knowing their limitations. If it's going to look like shit, don't put it on screen for longer than you have to. I'm actually a pretty big fan of all the King Kong movies, I'm just glad this wasn't nearly as long as Peter Jackson's version. I'm not sure I would be able to handle that. This movie is unfit for human consumption.

When a Killer Calls (2006)

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Background: This movie is a knock off of a remake of a movie based on an urban legend.

Plot: A babysitter begins receiving threatening phone calls from a man who has just killed an entire family.

Main menu on DVD has a metal band blasting over it on a short loop

Wow, this movie looks like it was filtered through someone's asshole.

Haha, landline.

This is borderline bondage porn, some white girl is hogtied in her panties while some creep snaps pictures with his cellphone.

Damn, that's a shitty old cellphone.

That looks like Smucker's on the knife. 

00:06:18 - Dead kids, even shows them struggling to get away. That's pretty brutal.

This killer is very tidy, even clean up after himself!

*67 blocks your number from caller ID, I never knew that.

This movie is so damn generic, there's nothing to really say about it.

00:28:50 - Last time she checks on the girl she's babysitting, this chick sucks at her job!

Boyfriend, Matt, shows up with idiot friend, Frank, and some chick running from the cops because Frank pulled a gun on someone at the bowling alley.

Frank the fucking idiot starts smoking weed at someone else's house. This isn't even their friend's house, she's just babysitting for people. We all have that one friend who's a royal fuck up in life.

This sex scene doesn't any contain nudity.

Boyfriend tries to act hard over the phone

After seeing a news report about a triple homicide, the babysitter finally realizes the pictures she thought were fake earlier are real.

01:01:07 - Finally checks on the kid again, she's dead. Worst babysitter ever.

Tits!

Boyfriend sacrifices himself for her, good guy.

Final Thoughts: This pretty much had the same premise as When A Stranger Calls because both were based on the same urban legend. Unfortunately, this manages to be really dull despite a decently written script. Of course this wasn't going to have the same polish as the Hollywood version, which had a $15 Million budget, but the slow pacing really killed it for me. With 3 dead kids, boobs, and an R-rating, you'd think this would be more interesting. 

Halloween Night (2006)

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Background: Following When a Killer Calls, they made a cash-in on The Omen called 666: The Child, both of which dropped on the infamous release date of June 6, 2006. I wasn't able to get ahold of the movie but it might've been decent considering it gets a sequel the following year. At first glance, this appears to be a cash-in on the Halloween franchise but claims to be an original film as opposed to the typical mockbusters The Asylum is known for. Written by Michael Gingold, the editor of Fangoria since 1990.

Plot: A psycho escapes from an insane asylum and goes on a killing spree after crashing a Halloween bash in this scary slasher film based on actual events that took place in 1982. Derek Osedach, Rebekah Kochan, Scot Nery, Sean Durrie, Alicia Klein, Erica Roby. Directed by Mark Atkins. - Rotten Tomatoes

Rebekah Kochan, who played the babysitter in When a Killer Calls, and Derek Osedach (Frank, the fuck up) are both in this.

The movie starts with a kid hiding under the bed as his parents are being held at gunpoint by two intruders wearing masks. The mother is molested before being shot.

The father says something about how they weren't "supposed" to kill her. The mother is barely alive when they shoot her again in the head, the effects for the headshot are actually pretty decent! The bullet exiting her skull hits a steam pipe that the kid is now inexplicably standing next to (why is there a giant pipe in this room?) and the steam burns his face. The scene crossfades to a white mask that looks an awful lot like the Michael Myers mask from Halloween.

Skip ahead 10 years and it's Halloween day, the burnt kid is now in an mental institution. He no longer has lips and his entire body looks like beef jerky, so I'm just going to call him Jerky-Man.

Two orderlies are taunting Jerky-Man by wearing a masks the same masks the intruders were wearing while raping and killing his mother, causing him to (understandably) go apeshit and kill both of them before escaping The Asylum. (har har)

The effects of Jerky-Man ripping out the orderly's throat are decent but his disfigured face is so obviously a mask because his mouth doesn't move when he grunts inside it. 

Cut to a group of young people visiting their friend who's preparing for a Halloween party. The group heads into the house where we're treated to a lesbians make out session.

And tits!

The guy throwing the party, David, goes to the bus station to pick up some generic leather jacket and sunglasses wearing "bad boy" named Daryll.

This is part of an elaborate "prank" that doesn't really make sense. Todd and his girlfriend are transporting a costume and bunch of medieval weapons that are illegal in the state they're in. They pass a police checkpoint where they find out the Jerky-Man escaped

Jerky-Man was hiding in one of the stalls at a random gas station. Luckily for him, Todd picks this particular gas station bathroom to change into his costume, bringing a big box of knives and weapons with him that Jerky-Man conveniently uses to kill Todd and steal his costume.

The similarities to Halloween are hard to ignore but they address one of the issues people usually have with the Carpenter classic. In Halloween, Michael Myers escapes the mental institution and steals a car. Fans have always questioned how someone who spent a majority of their life institutionalized would know how to drive. After killing Todd and stealing his costume, the Jerky Man gets into the car with Todd's girl and tries to drive the car. He's shown fumbling with the vehicle and not being a very competent driver

Jerky-Man runs into the babysitter from When a Stranger Calls and recognizes the necklace she's wearing as the same necklace his mother wore.

Alright, the big "prank" at the party, this is where the plot really breaks down for me. So the prank is that Daryll, who no one at the party is supposed to know, is crashing the party and hitting on all the girls there. After being asked to leave the party by David and refusing, they get into a scuffle before Daryll pulls a gun on Todd, who was supposed to be in on the whole thing. Fake cops are supposed to show up and Daryll is supposed to take the cop's gun, car, and Todd as a hostage.

There are a couple problems with this, if Todd was supposed to be taken hostage then why did he need all the medieval weapons? This wasn't just one axe or knife, there was also a large variety of swords. Why risk crossing a police check point with a ton of illegal weapons if Daryll was just going to pull a gun? Turns out Todd was killed and replaced with Jerky-Man, so it was lucky he smuggled a bunch of illegal weapons past the police checkpoint or the killer would have to rip everyone's throats out with his Slim Jim fingers.

Another thing that bothers me about this scene was how intimated Jerky-Man is when Daryll pulls a gun on him. Slashers are usually maniacs that aren't afraid of guns but this guy cowers and drops his axe when Daryll points a gun at him.

There's a Juggalo at the party!

After strangling Daryll with a seatbelt and disemboweling him with a giant sword, Jerky-Man returns to the party and kills a couple having sex. 


Jerky-Man puts The Iron Claw on the babysitter then ties her up.

Tits and lesbian sex scene!

Some chick is eating some weird looking cake in a bubble bath while a nerdy jester is reading more about Jerky-Man online.

Bathtub tits!

This is probably the best kill of the entire movie. Jerky-Man stabs a sword down through the top of his head then pulls it out the front of his face, splitting his face in half. The effects are decent but there's this strange pause when Jerky-Man stabs him.


David calls the babysitter and she desperately tries to reach for her cellphone. He hangs up before she can get to it, so she gives up on trying to reach for her phone completely and takes a nap instead.


Jerky-Man tries to interrupt the clam rubbing session and totally gets his ass kicked by one of the lesbians before pulling off this awkward kill with a random coat hanger.



WTF was up with that?

David grabs a gun before seeing the Nerdy Jester's laptop still open to the article about Jerky-Man. When the camera zooms in, the laptop's screen also zooms in on the article.


David finds the babysitter tied up and tries to free her. Instead of yelling something helpful like "BEHIND YOU!" she just keeps yelling "David, David!" repeatedly until Jerky-Man knocks out him out from behind.

We see flashbacks to the night Jerky-Man's parents were murdered. His father hides his mother's corpse in the wall before committing suicide. Jerky-Man tears down the walls to find his mother's corpse

The babysitter frees herself and grabs David's gun, which only had two bullets for some reason, and shoots Jerky-Man.

After the police arrive, the bodies are taken outside and one of the cops is interviewing the babysitter. One of the body bags sit up and she shoots him with the cop's fun. Turns out David was in the bag and Jerky Man is still on the loose.

The movie ends with Jerky-Man getting picked up by a shirtless redneck


Final Thoughts: I feel like I should be doing Joe Bob Briggs Drive-In Totals for this movie

16 Dead Bodies

13 Nekkid Breasts

Throat Ripping

Throat Slashing

Lesbian Beatdown

Axe to the face

Sword through the skull

Sword through the face

Face melting steam

Mummified Mommy

While it's difficult not to draw a comparison between this and Halloween, this movie manages to miss some key components of the slasher formula. First off, the killer is awkward and clumsy. Even if not supernatural, the killer in slasher movies tend to be more threatening. Jerky-Man was afraid of guns and one of the lesbians just smacked the axe out of his hand with little effort.

The final girl is also typically the smartest or most competent one of the group, able to overcome the killer. This final girl is stupid, she doesn't do anything to survive and actually ends up shooting her boyfriend.

There are a lot of things left unexplained like what the significance of the necklace Jerky-Man recognized on the babysitter was. Why did it seem like his father was in on the home invasion? What was the point of him hiding his wife's body and then committing suicide?

The movie wasn't all bad, the effects were pretty decent but they used a lot frenetic editing that obscured some of the kills. There's also a funny gag in the movie's end credits


it's funny because the movie claims to be based on actual events at the beginning of the movie. There was also a ton of nudity and lesbian sex, so this movie gets some extra points for that. They're obviously just going through the motions but unfortunately they couldn't be bothered to steal the better parts of movies they're ripping off. Ultimately, this ends up feeling uninspired but was still a lot more watchable than When a Killer Calls and some of the Asylum's earlier mockbusters like H.G. Wells' War of the World and King of the Lost World, which were painful to sit through.


Shudder - A New Horror Streaming Service!

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Horror fans rejoice! AMC and DramaFever have teamed up to bring us a new 24/7 horror streaming service. Shudder promises to deliver "Screams on Demand" for only $4.99/month or $49.99/year.

With more than 200 full-length, ad-free horror movies available, powered by DramaFever's video streaming platform, Shudder gives you access to horror content curated by "leading industry experts." Currently available only in the US but hoping to expand worldwide soon, the Beta version is only available through your web browser with apps for iOS, Android, and Roku launching in the coming weeks.

People who signed up for the Beta have been receiving invites over the last week and a half for an exclusive 60-day free trial offer. Visit their website at Shudder.com to sign up now. I received my invitation today and eagerly signed up to see what was available on their site.

They offer a variety of movies including an impressive selection of foreign films such as:

The ABCs of Death (2012)
Dead Hooker in a Trunk (2009) by the Soska Sisters
Doghouse (2009)
Dream Home (2010)
Faces of Death (1978)
I Saw the Devil (2010)
Sick Nurses (2007)
The Machine Girl (2008)
Tokyo Gore Police (2008)
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

alongside classics like Germany's silent Gothic horror Nosferatu, Mario Bava's seminal slasher film A Bay of Blood, and Italian gore maestro Lucio Fulci's first installment of his unofficial "Gates of Hell" trilogy City of the Living Dead. All of which are separated into "collections" such as:


A-Horror (Asian Horror)
Psychos and Madmen
Socko Spoofs
Into the Wild
Comedy of Terrors
Gross Anatomy
The Unblinking Eye: Diabolical Documentaries
The Unraveling Mind
Urban Decay
Weird Science
Zombie Jamboree
Cult Masters: EuroHorror
Foundations of Horror
Monster Mash
Possessions: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Bad Genes & Killer Kids
Not Your Ordinary Bloodsuckers
School's Out... Forever
Spectral Encounters
...and more!


What impressed me the most were the titles I couldn't find on Netflix, not even for DVD rental. Movies like:

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky - An insanely gory and violent adaptation of a Japanese manga that everyone should see (and probably have seen clips from) but is no longer available to rent from Netflix. I know I've rented this from them previously but maybe someone didn't return the disc.

Trail of the Screaming Forehead - From the same people who brought us the genre spoofs Dark and Stormy Night, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, and The Lost Skeleton Returns Again comes this parody of old Sci-Fi movies that doesn't even turn up in a search of Netflix's database. In fact, the only copy I could find was a Region 2 import on Amazon.

Death Bell - Another movie that doesn't even show up on Netflix's radar. I was after this Korean horror for a list of school-related horror films I was compiling. I understand that Netflix can't possibly offer every obscure movie in the world, but they also have an inexcusably poor selection of foreign films.

Werewolves on Wheels - Alright, I'm not going to act like it's a crime if Netflix doesn't carry an exploitation film that mixes biker films with werewolf movies. I'm sure most people would just scroll past it even if they did stream it. For people like me that want to see it though, the disc is currently unavailable to rent and this is NOT the kind of movie you want to buy to watch for the first time.

Chaw - Another Korean film, this time a black comedy about a mutant killer boar, is also not available for streaming or rental. Once again, this is less about criticizing Netflix for not having every movie I want available and more about emphasizing the selection that Shudder does have. This just happens to be a movie I was looking for recently and I can watch it now thanks to Shudder.


In addition, Shudder also has a pre-programmed feed called Shudder.tv that airs a continuous loop of horror programs like a TV network.

Not all of the films have closed captions or subtitles, but they're working to bring more to the site. All of their non-English language content is subtitled across all their supported platforms, but it isn't possible at this time to enable CC on English language films except on their website. Members can also request titles to be added

If their initial selection of films is any indication of what's to come, I'm extremely excited to see what will be added next. AMC is known for their Fear Fest marathons every Halloween and have brought us shows like the wildly popular Walking Dead and the highly-anticipated, upcoming companion series Fear the Walking Dead. If anything, AMC has shown it understands what the horror community wants. Maybe the ads are right.

Trailers and Updates

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I know this will probably sound like a shameless plug or just me asking for more followers but sometimes I post things directly to social media when I don't feel like writing an entire post about them. (Like a trailer or a single picture for example) I didn't even realize about how much readers were missing, so I will try to do more summary posts like this one. But if you don't want to miss anything, please follow Z-portal on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.

[Warning: My Twitter is a shared account that I also use for my Retrospective Geek blog, so there will be some comic book, video game, tokusatsu, and pro wrestling stuff mixed in. I haven't felt the need to start a separate Twitter account specifically for this stuff... yet!]

Ash vs. Evil Dead

Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi are teaming with STARZ to bring us new original series set 30 years after Army of Darkness. The new series is set to premier on Halloween and it looks GROOVY!




Harbinger Down

Amalgamated Dynamics Inc. were the guys who created the incredible practical effects for the 2011 remake of The Thing before the studio shat all over it with mediocre CGI. So ADI took to Kickstarter to fund this movie before it was eventually picked up by Dark Dunes Productions. This movie is a spiritual sequel to John Carpenter's The Thing.



Tales of Halloween

A new anthology horror film like Trick 'r Treat or The ABCs of Death. While there are tons of horror movies that usually come out in time for Halloween, there aren't actually that many movies centered around the holiday itself. I'm looking forward to this, especially with directors like Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV), Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers, The Descent), Lucky McKee (May), Dave Parker (The Hills Run Red), and Adam Gierasch (Night of the Demons) involved.



Cooties

A new zombie movie where only kids who have not gone through puberty is susceptible to the virus. This looks like a really fun movie. Zombie children? I'm all for it!



Hellions

Speaking of Halloween-themed movies and creepy children, here's a movie that premiered at this year's Sundance Film Festival. Hellions is about a trio of evil children stalking a pregnant lady at her isolated home. This movie looks genuinely creepy and should hit VOD on Sept. 18.



Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

I love zombie movies and this looks like another fun one. A trio of scouts team up with a waitress and try to survive a zombie outbreak.







Turbo Kid

This looks like a cross between Kung Fury and the W is for Wish segment from ABCs of Death 2. This movie looks ridiculous and awesome in all the right ways. Just check out the trailer




Screambox

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Back in June, I wrote about a new horror streaming service called Shudder that was aiming to be the Netflix for horror movies. While Netflix competes with Hulu and Amazon Instant Video, it looks like Shudder isn't the only horror streaming game in town.

Screambox is a company that's actually been around since 2014 and promises to deliver uncut horror movies the way they were meant to be consumed: "no filters, no restrictions, and no distractions." While both services claim to be the new home of horror, Screambox has a brash in-your-face attitude that's apparent even in their own description. 

"We are not your generic movie site. You won’t find any sappy fairy tales or slap-stick comedies or heart-warming musicals here. Don’t like it? Then leave.

We are not your parents’ horror destination either. That’s not to say we don’t love the classics (horror genius knows no age).

We are not here to make you feel safe or even comfortable. A romantic comedy or a night light can do that."

I can respect a company that's willing to weed out the tentative and doubtful to reach their target audience. These guys know what they're here to provide and to whom they're providing this service. If you don't know what you want, go sign up for Netflix.


If your interest is piqued however, Screambox offers a 30-day free trial and is only $3.99/month if you decide to keep the service. All the movies are uncut and commercial free with new content added on a weekly basis. Currently, the service is available on your desktop, tablets, iOS, and Android devices. You can also stream through Roku, Amazon FireTV, and Samsung Smart TVs with support for Google Chromecast, Xbox (360/One), and PlayStation (3/4) coming soon. 

Screambox's selection of movies have a pretty wide range in terms of quality. There are the classics and critically acclaimed films, there are B-movies and cult favorites, and then there are some lower end films you'd probably find bundled together with a dozen others at the bottom of a bargain bin. Screambox doesn't judge, they give horror movies from all walks of life an equal opportunity to shine. They also have a great selection of horror from around the world, offering "all-time classics, exciting new releases, and horror movies from Iceland, England, the Netherlands, Spain, Norway, Korea, Japan and Thailand."

The movies are divided up into five main categories: Killers, Supernatural, Monsters, Psychological, Extreme. Within each of those categories are subcategories such as Slashers, Crime & Giallo, Possession & Demons, Zombies, Animals & Nature, Body Horror, Cults and Fanaticism, Splatter, Torture, Brutal & Disturbing, etc.


There were a few films that I noticed appearing in both Shudder and Screambox's selections, such as:

A Tale of Two Sisters
Basket Case
Children of the Corn
Chillerama
Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2
Cold Prey
Hellraiser 1 & 2
House 1 & 2
Nosferatu
Re-Cycle
Shutter
The Hills Have Eyes


But what really impressed me about Screambox's selection were the amount of foreign films:

Ab-normal Beauty
Bloody Reunion
Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman
Chain Letter
Diary
The Echo
Face
Forest of Death
The Ghost
Ghost of Mae Nak
Gozu
H
The Heirloom
Imprint
Koma
Phone
The Roommate
Scream Girls


and more obscure/B-movies like:

The Driller Killer
Frankenstein (1910 silent version)
The Girl Next Door
Goblin (1993)
Hatchet
Herschell Gordon Lewis: The Godfather of Gore
Monsturd
Pop Punk Zombies
Psycho Shark
Silent Night Deadly Night 1 & 2
Slaughter Island
Vampire Whores from Outer Space
Yellow Fangs


They feature a good selection of Tartan Asia Extreme films, Masters of Horror, Elvira Movie Macabre, some SyFy channel rejects, and even a couple Jack Ketchum films. They also seem to prominently feature The Hunger, a British/Canadian horror anthology series that was initially hosted by Terence Stamp and replace by David Bowie in the second season.


The site is easy to navigate, their setup is very similar to Netflix. There's a queue you can add movies to but unfortunately you cannot arrange the order of the queue. If you scroll over a movie, you have the option to play it, add it to your queue, or watch the trailer. The flash video player can stream up to 1080p video although not all movies are available in HD. I have come across a quite a few that were only available in 480p. The subtitles are hardsubbed on foreign language films, there aren't any options to change the subtitling. After watching a movie, you have the option to rate it out of 5 skulls (or stars). They also list related movies under the video player, so it's easy to find more movies to watch after you finish the one you're currently watching.


With Halloween approaching in the coming months, this is a wonderful option to expand the amount of horror movies available for consumption during this season. Screambox is a little rough around the edges in some areas but they're also still in beta, so hopefully it all gets smoothed out. You can tell this company has heart, they're like the ECW of streaming services. They may not have all the most popular mainstream horror movies but as a hardcore horror fan myself, I can find those movies anywhere. I've already seen and own most of the popular franchises on DVD or Blu-ray. This gives me the option of watching movies I'm not sure I want to buy sight unseen and don't have the option of renting on Netflix.


Screambox vs. Shudder

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At a glance:

Screambox

  • Price– Uncut, unlimited, and commercial-free for $3.99/month.
  • Promotions– 30 day free trial at sign up
  • Content– A wide range of mainstream and indie horror movies including a bunch of Tartan Asia Extreme films, Masters of Horror, Classics, Cult favorites, and some SyFy reject/Asylum level direct-to-video movies
  • Navigation– Movies are divided up into categories, much like Netflix's setup, also has a queue for movies. Related movies are listed under video player
  • Platform– Flash video player that supports up to 1080p video, although some movies are only available in 480p
  • Subtitles– Aren't an option on the player, they're hardsubbed into the movie
  • Supported Devices– Desktop, tablets, iOS, Android devices, Roku, Amazon FireTV, and Samsung Smart TVs. Support for Google Chromecast, Xbox (360/One), and PlayStation (3/4) coming soon
  • Community– Mostly just ratings for the movies and not as many comments, discussions, etc.

Shudder

  • Price– $4.99/month, $ 49.99/year
  • Promotions– 60 day free trial at sign up
  • Content– Not as big of a selection as Screambox, yet. The movies that are available are typically of a higher quality. Also has a feed called ShudderTV that airs a continuous loop of horror movies
  • Navigation– Broken down into many specific categories, so movies are easy to find. Also offers a master list of all movies, which makes it easier to browse all available content
  • Platform– Powered by the DramaFever platform which seems to work great. Movies look great whether in the normal window or full screen. Needs some kind of volume stabilizer though.
  • Subtitles– Plenty of options. Choice of track, font, size, white, yellow, white on black, yellow on black, etc. Sometimes these options don't affect the subs as not all movies are subbed and some are hardsubbed
  • Supported Devices– Desktop, Roku, iOS, Android. No mention of Xbox or PlayStation support yet
  • Community– Seems like users are more active, commenting and reviewing movies instead of just rating them


Head-to-Head:

PriceScreambox is a dollar cheaper if you're paying per month but if you sign up for the full year with Shudder, the difference becomes even more insignificant.

Promotions– 60 days vs. 30 days, Shudder definitely takes this one. With more content on Screambox, users would benefit from a longer trial period.

Content– Here's what it really boils down to as content is king. Shudder touts that their selection of movies is curated by "leading industry experts" which might actually be the case since news broke that Samuel Zimmerman, Managing Editor of Shock Till You Drop, was joining Shudder's team as a curator. Backed by AMC and curated by a team of experts, I have no doubt that we'll be seeing a ton of top quality content coming in the future. We might even get to see The Walking Dead and/or Fear the Walking Dead on ShudderTV

As of right now though, Screambox does offer more variety and a seemingly larger selection of movies. While Shudder's current selection offers more popular content, I can find a lot of the same movies on Netflix. As a die hard fan of horror movies myself, there are some titles on Screambox that I couldn't find on either Netflix or Shudder. Both services offer a great selection but I have to give this one to Screambox for variety.

Navigation– Both Shudder and Screambox organize their movies into categories, which makes it easy to find whatever you're in the mood to watch. Shudder has a master list of all their movies, which makes browsing a lot easier.

Screambox, however, has a queue and I find that much more useful for keeping track of movies I want to watch. Unfortunately, they could stand to learn a thing or two from Netflix because you cannot arrange the order of your queue after adding movies. The queue seems to be arranged in a random order and sometimes a sequel will be separated from the rest of the films in a franchise. I can see this becoming a problem as your queue grows larger.

Platform– Shudder uses the DramaFever platform, which seems to work fine. DramaFever has been around since 2009 and they specialize in streaming video, so I would expect their platform to be solid. Although they need to implement some sort of volume stabilizer because some of the movies are hard to hear and others will blow out your eardrums. That's probably the only problem I've had with their platform.

I did have some problems with Screambox's video player initially. Whenever I full screened or shrunk the player, the video would freeze. Sometimes the video would skip or my stream would die. After going into the Settings and disabling the hardware acceleration, everything has been running smoothly. Their video player supports up to 1080p for certain movies where available but a few of the movies I saw were only available in 480p.

The only movie I compared the video quality of was A Tale of Two Sisters and it looked just a little better on Shudder.

Subtitles– While subtitles on foreign language films seem to be hardsubbed on both services (at least as far as I've seen) Shudder offers more options for customizing subs. You can select the track (so I assume they might be offering subs in different languages in the future), what font you want the subs in, how big or small, and what color you want the text. White text, yellow text, white text on a black background, yellow text on a black background. Shudder even offers subs on some of their English language films.

Screambox doesn't offer any options for subtitles, only non-English films are hardsubbed.

Supported Devices– Screambox is available on Desktop (PC/Mac), tablets, iOS and Android devices, Roku, Amazon FireTV, and Samsung Smart TVs. Support for Google Chromecast, Xbox (360/One), and PlayStation (3/4) are in development.

Shudder is currently available on Desktop, iOS, Android and Roku. There isn't even any mention of Xbox or PlayStation support. That could possibly change in the future as they're still in the early stages of beta testing but I stream Netflix through my PS3 while I'm on the computer. I think it's important to consider that people use their gaming consoles as an all-in-one media device nowadays.

Community– Shudder seems to have a more active community of users who are wiling to comment or review movies. While this might not be a big deal for some, there are a lot of people who like to read reviews before deciding on a movie to watch. On Shudder, you're limited to one review per movie that you can edit and resubmit. This gives everyone a chance to voice their opinions on a movie but doesn't allow for any actual discussion.

Screambox has a comments section where you can upload images, like other people's comments, and have an actual discussion with fellow horror fans. Although most users are still just posting single comments right now, I think Screambox has the potential for better discussions once the community becomes more active. They should definitely add a reply function that allows you to reply directly to a particular comment. Here's a bit of info on how to edit the text in your comments:

*bold* (single word)
_italics_
> quoted
`monospaced`
[title](link)
---
code, language guessed

A little dialog box pops up with that info when you first click the comments section but I haven't been able to get it to come up again. I definitely prefer Screambox's comments section, though I wish both services provided a forum.

Final Thoughts– As of right now, both services are pretty even in terms of value. Both offer a fantastic selection of movies at a lower cost than Netflix. Whichever one is worth signing up for depends more on the user.

If you're a casual viewer, Shudder has a curated collection of some of the best classic, contemporary, and foreign films. Shudder seems to favor Euro Horror, particularly the works of Mario Bava and Lucio Fulci. If you're like me though, you've probably seen a lot of the more popular titles and you're looking for something different. Screambox offers a wider variety of movies and more obscure titles than Shudder. Screambox also favors Asian Horror with a bigger selection of K-Horror and J-Horror.

Also, if you're a snob about video quality, you may want to consider sticking with Shudder. I'm not sure what resolution the movies run at but video quality seems to be consistent across the site. Screambox has some movies at 480p, which might be a problem for those who are planning to watch on larger HD screens.

Other than that, both services are pretty comparable at this time. I would probably give the edge to Screambox over Shudder because of their selection. Though Shudder is backed by AMC, which may give them an advantage in the future, their current collection is a little smaller and much of their content can also be found on Netflix. With Halloween right around the corner, I recommend everyone try both these services out for themselves. Between a 60-day and 30-day trial, there's plenty to explore and enjoy!


Red Band Trailer: Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

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Yes, popular culture is saturated with tons of zombie-related media. Yes, I'm still a sucker for zombie movies regardless. This looks like it's going to be a ton of fun and it drops the day before Halloween! What else could you possibly ask for?

After Dark Horrorfest 2015

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After Dark Horrorfest is returning this October after a 5-year hiatus. Also known as "8 Films to Die For", Horrorfest was an annual film festival that began in 2006 and featured eight independent horror films (sometimes with a secret bonus film).


This year, After Dark Films has teamed up with 20th Century Fox to bring Horrorfest back. Here's the line-up for the return of 8 Films to Die For: 



Re-Kill - A zombie actioner with Scott Adkins. While I'm always happy to see Adkins, I would've preferred to see him in a martial arts film. I LOVE zombie movies but I usually like seeing regular people trying to survive. This reminds me of a shooting game, which I'd rather play than watch. This has got to be better than World War Z though.



Murder in the Dark - A group of young people on a camping trip are getting experimented on and presumably murdered. There isn't much to go on from the trailer but it does make me curious to see what it's about. Is it the next Human Centipede or Hostel?



The Wicked Within - A demonic possession movie that is NOT found footage! (which is funny because the trailer ends the same way the trailer for Quarantine does) I've had enough of found footage films. I was okay with them in the beginning (I even dedicated a week to them in 2012 during Halloween) but there have been too many coming out that feel too gimmicky, I applaud this one for being a straight up movie.



Lumberjack Man - A slasher movie that takes place at a camp. Not the most original idea in the world but I'm a sucker for slasher films, so you won't hear any complaints from me. If you go to the IMDb page, it lists Michael Madsen and then "the rest of the cast". Probably safe to say there won't be too many faces to recognize here. I'm all for it though!



Suspension - A babysitter is stalked by a masked, knife-wielding maniac. As I just said, I'm a sucker for slashers so I won't complain about originality here. I'm all for a bunch of new slashers coming out. Besides, it's going to come out around Halloween and sometimes I just want to get what I'm expecting. I don't need some deep, mind-bending story for why the knife-wielding maniac is killing people. Just make sure there's plenty of gore and creative kills and I'll be happy.



Unnatural - Rayden from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is hunting a giant polar bear. Apparently, scientists tried to genetically modify polar bears so they could adapt to global climate changes and they accidentally created a Man-Eater! Oops. A combination between "Science Gone Wrong" and "When Animal Attack" movies, this is just going to be a big ass polar bear eating people. If this doesn't end with ManBearPig escaping from the lab, I'm gonna be PISSED!



Bastard - A combination of a "We're all here for a reason" movie and a slasher. The premise kinda reminds me of Identity with John Cusack. Of all the trailers we've seen so far, this is the best one. The plot itself isn't particularly mind-blowing but that trailer really got me excited. The gore looks pretty explicit but the trailer downplayed the amount of violence. I hope that means they've got a really solid story with some spectacular effects to back it up.



Wind Walkers - I really like the Native American theme of the spirit possessing people, I don't think we see enough of that. I think of horror movies as the visualization of stories we used to tell around the campfire. Not saying that's where this movie comes from but the beginning of the trailer really evokes that feeling. I also love that Zane Holtz is at the center of this piece, I think he's fantastic as Richie Gecko in From Dusk Till Dawn, the TV series. All those guys with guns running around the forest makes this feel like a cross between a zombie movie and Predator.

For their big return, it seems like they're playing it safe with their selections. We've got a zombie movie, an exorcism movie, a Friday the 13th-like slasher (Lumberjack Man), a Halloween-like slasher (Suspension), Cujo with a polar bear (Unnatural), Saw II with an actual masked killer (Bastard), Native American Evil Dead (Wind Walkers), and whatever the hell Murders in the Dark is supposed to be. I don't like to write off movies before I've seen them, so I'm definitely still excited to check them out. I hear enough complaints about remakes, here are 8 totally original (okay, maybe not totally) films hitting theaters in October. I think that's reason enough to be excited.

In case anyone was curious about the history of Horrorfest, these were the previous line-ups (Summaries from IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes):


Horrorfest 2006 featured:

The Abandoned - An adopted woman returns to her home country and the family home that she never knew and must face the mystery that lies there.

Dark Ride - A group of six friends on a road trip stop off at an amusement park attraction named 'Dark Ride', unaware that a psychopath who brutally murdered two girls, has just escaped a mental institution and is seeking refuge there.

The Gravedancers - After a night of drunken exploits, Allison, Harris, and Kira are chased and terrorized by the ghosts of a child pyromaniac, an ax murderer, and a rapist.

The Hamiltons - A picture-perfect American family, making up of four very different siblings trying to get by after the recent death of their parents, is always kind, loving and respectful to their neighbors... except that they usually wind up killing them.

Penny Dreadful - Young Penny goes on a retreat with her psychologist; the intention is to help her overcome her phobia, an intense fear of cars. Unexpected events find her in a nightmarish situation where her worst fears come true.

Reincarnation - A Japanese actress begins having strange visions and experiences after landing a role in a horror film about a real-life murder spree that took place over forty years ago.

Unrest - A young pathology med student suspects that the spirit of a dead cadaver in the hospital morgue where she works is killing off all those who handle or desecrate the body.

Wicked Little Things - Karen, Sarah, and Emma Tunney are all moving to a small town in Pennsylvania where, unknown to them, in 1913, a horrid mine accident trapped dozens of children alive, underground. But there's a problem. They're still alive.

Two of the bonus films featured were Snopp Dogg's Hood of Horror and The Tripper.


Horrorfest II 2007 featured:

Borderland - On a trip to a Mexican border town, three college friends stumble upon a human-sacrifice cult.

Crazy Eights - Circumstance brings six childhood friends together to face their past, and a secret they share.

The Deaths of Ian Stone - Deaths tells the story of an all-American guy who is murdered each day by horrifying pursuers, only to wake up in slightly different lives to experience the terror of being murdered again.

Lake Dead - Three sisters and a group of their friends take a trip to the home of the recently deceased grandfather - who died a particularly grisly death - to learn more about the promise of an inheritance, only to encounter a family of psychos who have taken up residence in the old man's cabin.

Mulberry Street - A deadly infection breaks out in Manhattan, causing humans to devolve into blood-thirsty rat creatures. Six recently evicted tenants must survive the night and protect their downtown apartment building as the city quickly spirals out of control.

Nightmare Man - After receiving an African fertility mask as a gift from her husband, Ellen Morris is attacked by a mysterious being she dubs "The Nightmare Man". She takes refuge in a lakeside house where she puts the four people there in immediate danger.

Tooth and Nail - A group of people in a post-apocalyptic world fight to survive against a band of vicious cannibals.

Unearthed - An unknown creature terrorizes an archeological dig in the middle of a desolate New Mexico town.

The bonus film may have been Frontier(s).


Horrorfest III 2008 featured:

Autopsy - A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital.

The Broken - A young Englishwoman is surprised to see what looks like herself, drive by one day. She follows the woman, which sets off a chain of events which leads her into a haunting, nightmare reality.

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations - A young man with the power to time travel attempts to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death.

Dying Breed - Australian zoology student Nina and her four friends go into the Tasmanian Forest in search of the endangered Tasmanian Tiger. What they discover, however, is a cannibalistic clan who are the descendants of a famous escaped serial killer known as The Pieman.

From Within - A small Maryland town is gripped by a curse which causes residents to take their own life one after another.

Perkins' 14 - Ronald Perkins brainwashes 14 people, in order to create an army that will defend him from his parents' killers.

Slaughter - A young woman looks to escape her abusive life by moving to a friend's farm near Atlanta. Unfortunately, she learns her place of supposed comfort offers more terrifying forms of abuse.

Voices [a.k.a. Someone Behind You] - Overnight, brutal murders become everyday occurrences as friends turn on friends, brothers turn on sisters, and husbands turn on wives.


Horrorfest IV 2010 featured:

Dread - Three college students set out to document what other people dread most.

The Final - A group of high school outcasts get revenge on the students that torment them.

The Graves - Two inseparable sister's visit to a remote mine town turns into a mind-bending fight for survival against menaces both human and supernatural.

Hidden - Painful memories arise when Kai Koss goes back to his childhood home after 19 years and inherits his dead mother's house.

Kill Theory - Whilst celebrating a graduation at a secluded vacation home, a group of college students find themselves targeted by a sadistic killer who forces them to play a deadly game of killing one another in order to survive.

Lake Mungo - A "mockumentary" featuring interviews detailing how a 16-year-old Australian girl drowned while swimming in a local lake. With a verdict of accidental death, her grieving family buries her. A series of clues and a haunting by the teen girl's spirit force her parents to learn more about her life when her secret past emerges.

The Reeds - A weekend boating party turns into a nightmare for a group of young Londoners when they stumble upon a terrifying secret hidden in the reeds.

ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction - Life is wonderful for the people in the quiet, island town of Port Gamble....until a zombie virus outbreak!

Psycho returns to theaters Sept. 20 & 23!

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Alfred Hitchcock's classic thriller returns to cinemas nationwide on Sun, Sept. 20 and Wed, Sept 23 at 2:00pm and 7:00pm. Presented by Turner Classic Movies, buy your tickets now and don't miss out on a classic!

http://fathomevents.com/event/psycho

RiffTrax Live 2015: Miami Connection

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On Thurs, October 1, Fathom Events, IGN, and RiffTrax presents a live riffing of the cult classic, Miami Connection. Drug dealing motorcycle ninjas clash with Tae Kwon Do rock band in one the most insane and bizarre movies you'll ever seen.

http://fathomevents.com/event/rifftrax-live-miami-connection

The RiffTrax crew are the same guys who used to do MST3K, and they'll be riffing Miami Connection live at 8:00pm ET. We'll get a tape delayed version over here on the West Coast and they'll re-broadcast it on Tuesday, October 6. Get your tickets, this should be a ton of fun!

Halloween 2015

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October is right around the corner and that can only mean that it's time to start celebrating Halloween! As usual, I will try to post a new review everyday of the month. If there's time, I will try to add extra posts whenever possible. For those unfamiliar with the format, I typically have themes for each week. This year's themes will be:

Week 1: Zombies


Zombies are everywhere now, some might even say there's an oversaturation of them. There are two different shows on AMC (The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead), they can be found in video games, books, toys, and nearly every medium imaginable. I must admit I love zombies myself, so I embrace the proliferation of zombie culture.

Week 2: Aliens


During the second week of October, we'll be celebrating creatures from outer space. Most people don't believe in the existence of intelligent life in our universe anymore. Back in the late 19th Century and early 20th Century, an alien invasion seemed like a very real possibility. Orson Welles did a Halloween radio broadcast in 1938, based on H.G. Wells' novel The War of the Worlds, and had people believing an alien invasion was really in progress. Nowadays, most "evidence" is just written off as a hoax and immediately discredited. I think they deserve a little more respect, so they're getting their own week. 

Week 3: Wes Craven


I was sad to hear that Wes Craven had passed away earlier in August. I've never met him personally but those who have all say what a great person he was. Although I don't have any personal experiences to speak from, his movies have been a major part of my life as I'm sure they have been in all horror fans. Freddy Krueger was one of the scariest movie monsters I can remember from my childhood. Although Craven didn't have much to do with the sequels, I can't imagine not having that character. I used to go to the Spirit stores around Halloween to admire the Freddy glove. The only reason I never bought one was because it was made of plastic instead of metal. I also remember spending the summer before middle school at my uncle's house in Vancouver and watching Scream over and over again. (along with Space Jam and Batman Forever) That line, "What's your favorite scary movie?" was so popular when I was in middle school. When I really started getting into horror movies during high school, The Nightmare on Elm Street franchise was one of the first ones I revisited, coming full circle as a horror fan. The man was truly a master of his craft and to pay tribute to him, I am dedicating a week to his movies. I originally had a different line up for Halloween but I shifted them around to make room for his movies. I feel like this was the only thing I had to offer the man who had such a monumental influence on my love for this genre. 

Week 4: Mixed Bag


Anything goes.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

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Night of the Living Dead (USA, 1968) - Black & White, Director(s): George A. Romero
MPAA Rating: Unrated
[UK: 15]
Approx. 96 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5


I can't think of a better way to kick off Halloween 2015 but what can I really say about this movie that hasn't already been said? George Romero's indie horror flick became a major financial success, redefined zombies as we knew them, and revolutionized the horror genre. The film's influence can still be felt today as zombie culture is more popular now than ever with zombies making their way into books, TV series, comics, video games, toys, and more. My nephew even has a zombie joke book that came with a severed finger eraser!

from Zombie Funnies

Night of the Living Dead is about a group of people holed up in a farmhouse trying to survive a zombie outbreak. An interesting fact about this famously influential zombie movie is that they never actually use the word "zombie" anywhere in the film nor do they explain what's going on. One theory offered by an expert involves radiation from a space probe returning from Venus but nothing is ever officially confirmed. If the dead suddenly started coming back to life and eating people, no one would be able to explain what was happening. The only thing they do know for sure is destroying the brain is the only way to stop them. Another interesting fact about these early "zombies" is they're afraid of fire like The Monster in Frankenstein. Modern zombies are typically so mindless, they'll walk through fire and be completely unaware that they're burning.


Another thing that added realism were the news reports, America was seeing the horrors of the Vietnam War through the news every night and this was eerily echoed in the movie where the only information the characters had came from news reports on the radio and TV. The fact that the movie was shot on 35mm black-and-white film also made it feel like a newsreel documentary. Night was controversial for its time, featuring a black hero while the rest of the cast was caucasian. George Romero says the actor, Duane Jones, was chosen simply because he gave the best audition but film historians have interpreted this as social commentary on racism. Jones even punches a white woman (Judith O'Dea) in the face, which I imagine must also have been extremely controversial at the time.


Social and political commentary aside, the reason this movie works is its simplicity. The movie is set in an ordinary place with ordinary people trying to survive, the drama and the tension comes from normal people put into a desperate situation where communication has broken down. They squabble over which room they should barricade themselves in, whether or not to leave the house, and what to do next in order to survive. Anyone who has attended family gatherings for the holidays knows how difficult it can be for large groups of people to agree on anything, throw survival into the mix and diplomacy goes right out the window. The selfish people will only be concerned about self-preservation, those who are terrified may shut down completely, and those who want to take charge may have conflicting ideas for survival.


Nudity: There's a single nude female zombie shambling about outside the house. You can see her ass on two occasions and her breasts in one scene, obscured by shadows.


Gore: At the time of its release, Night was criticized for its shocking violence and explicit gore. The MPAA's film rating system was not in place at the time, so children were allowed to see this movie and were terrified by the depictions of cannibalism. Many credit its violence for ushering in the splatter film subgenre since prior horror movies typically featured rubber masks and cheesy sets. The effects may be a bit dated now, especially with the amount of gore in modern zombie films or even its own sequels Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead.


Awesome: Very. Movies that featured "zombies" before this (White Zombie is often cited as the first) were about living people turned into slaves by a voodoo witch doctor. Night of the Living Dead was the first time we saw the dead coming back to life and hunger for human flesh (Although these early zombies ate bugs too!). All of modern zombie culture, from Resident Evil to The Walking Dead, descends from this film. Boarding up doors and windows is something you still see today in the zombie modes of Call of Duty. While it might seem a bit tame by today's standards, Night of the Living Dead is an undeniable classic. The Library of Congress even selected it for preservation in the National Film Registry in 1999 for being "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant".




Night of the Living Dead (1990)

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Night of the Living Dead (USA, 1990) - Color, Director(s): Tom Savini
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 92 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

Say Cheese!

George Romero's seminal zombie film, Night of the Living Dead, is undoubtedly a classic and landmark film in cinema. Due to an unfortunate mix up with the film's copyright, it slipped into public domain and Romero actually saw little in the way of profits. Concerned that someone would eventually produce an unauthorized remake, Romero decided to produce it himself. Tom Savini was originally brought back to do special effects, after working on Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, but was persuaded to direct the movie instead.

Barbara and Ben

While staying loyal to the original film, I think the remake does improve on certain aspects of Romero's version. The original movie may have been subversive for featuring a black protagonist, but feminists have criticized the character of Barbra for being helpless and "virtually catatonic" throughout the film. Patricia Tallman's (Babylon 5, Army of Darkness) portrayal of Barbara is strong, vigilant, and a total bad ass. There's a moment after she arrives at the house where she's in shock but quickly gets over it. She has the awareness to know whenever someone, living or dead, is coming up behind her. She's the one who realizes you can run past the zombies and makes plans to escape. She's crackshot with the rifle, getting headshots on every zombie she aims at, and she even bashes a tubby zombie's head in with a fire poker! In true Final Girl form, you even see her literally and metaphorically putting on the pants in one scene.


Tony Todd (Candyman) plays Ben and he's fantastic as always. Tom Towles, who sadly passed away earlier in April this year, plays the obnoxious Harry Cooper. Towles is known for playing scumbags and he really manages to get under your skin from the very first moment he appears on screen. In the original movie, Harry was a selfish coward only looking out for his own self-interest but Towles' Cooper is all that and more. He's a loud, pompous jackass who acts like a big shot around his wife but doesn't lift a finger to help everyone else board up windows.

Cooper

This movie has the same claustrophobic setting as the original but a couple of the characters are more developed. This one also touches more on how difficult it is to kill loved ones, especially when you don't know what's going on or what's causing them to act this way. Russell Streiner (Barbara's brother Johnny from the original) and "Chilly Billy" Cardille both make cameo appearances.

Uncle Rege Zombie

Nudity: Matching nude male and female zombie buttocks. There is some female zombie sideboob too but it's hardly worth mentioning


Gore: Not as much as you might expect from a movie directed by Tom Savini. He had to cut several scenes from the film to avoid an NC-17 rating and was not allowed to fully explore his vision. Savini describes the production as the worst nightmare of his life, with less than half of his ideas making it into the final version of the film. The make-up and special effects do look fantastic though! The effects team studied autopsy and forensic pathology textbooks to make them look as realistic as possible. I hear that Savini sometimes shows the cut scenes at conventions. I would really like to have seen his vision without meddling from producers or the MPAA.


Awesome: Very. As far as remakes go, this is definitely one of the better ones I've ever seen. Initially, the movie caught a lot of flack for being so similar to the original but has since gained some cult popularity. I think this remake does exactly what remakes are supposed to do, update certain aspects of the story. If the story was radically different, they should just make a completely original film. Following the era of splatter cinema that the original helped usher in and the slasher boom of the 70's and 80's, I feel like a full color update is very much welcome. Sadly, there have been multipleattempts to cash-in on this title and they have all been terrible. There's even a campaign for an animated remake with genre favorites attached like Tony Todd, Danielle Harris, and Bill Moseley. Much like the living dead, they never stop coming!

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

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Dawn of the Dead (USA, 2004) - Color, Director(s): Zack Snyder
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 101 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5


Everyone is always so quick to bash remakes these days, not without good reason I might add, but there have been a few examples of good remakes in the past. Night of the Living Dead, Piranha 3D, Maniac, The Fly, etc.


The problem with remakes nowadays is they rarely strive to improve on the original film, instead often just attempting to cash-in on the name of their predecessor. This is why 'remake' has become a dirty word in the eyes of moviegoers. If you're looking for another example of a remake done correctly, look no further. There's no denying the massive popularity and undeniable influence of George Romero's original Dawn of the Dead. In Europe, it spawned a franchise of loosely connected zombie-themed films, known as the Zombi franchise, in addition to a slew of imitators. A remake could have VERY easily been a soulless cash grab, instead turned out to be one of the best zombie movies since 2000.

7 days after you watch that video tape...

Although zombies never really went away, their popularity was beginning to wane following their peak in the 80's. In the late 90's, a survival horror video game franchise helped breathe new life into the zombie subgenre. Biohazard, known as Resident Evil here in the States, reinvigorated interest in shambling undead corpses coming back to life and eating people. Zombie media has typically been populated by slow-moving, stiff zombies until a British film in 2002 depicted a man awakening from a coma to find post-zombie apocalypse world. 28 Days Later featured people infected with the rage virus that caused them to become extremely violent and could not only run but chase people down on foot. While the infected aren't officially called "zombies", 28 Days popularized the idea of fast-moving, running zombies which was further cemented by this remake of Dawn released two years later.

Hey! Is that Burt Reynolds?! Oh...

We follow a nurse (Sarah Polley) and a group of survivors that hole up at local shopping mall during a zombie outbreak. The mall setting comes directly from Romero's version but the characters and events are all original. Ving Rhames is a bad ass cop with a shotgun and Mekhi Phifer is a father-to-be who just wants to protect his wife and child by any means necessary. After arriving at the mall, they were initially going to be turned away by the a group of security guards led by C.J. (Michael Kelly) but were allowed to stay after turning over their weapons. They're eventually joined by a second wave of survivors that includes the beautiful Lindy Booth (Wrong Turn, Cry Wolf), as a fragile teen who loses her father and gets emotionally attached to a dog they find in the underground parking structure, and Ty Burrell who is great as a self-absorbed, snarky douchebag.


Nudity: There's a sex scene between two of the survivors at the mall and you can see the very lovely Kim Poirier's breasts. She was also in Decoys 2: Alien Seduction, which was a direct-to-video knock-off of Species. A girl's breasts are shown as the end credits roll, it's footage from Steve's (Ty Burrell) camera that the survivors are using to document their travels. 


Gore: Tons. People are bitten, heads are impaled with sticks, people and zombies alike are cut apart by chainsaws, and there are headshots aplenty. I like that they didn't hold back on the violence, part of why zombies are so terrifying is because of the amount of death and carnage they bring with them. They're not like Dracula who sneaks into your bedroom at night or demons that possess you, they're your friends and family who have lost their humanity and are just trying to eat you.


Awesome: to the MAX! I loved this movie when it first came out and I still love it whenever I watch it. This was a great update to a Romero classic. The survivors on the roof make a game out of shooting zombies in the head with the owner of gun shop across the parking lot. When they plan to escape to the docks and hop on a boat, they build these bad ass armored shuttles lined with barbed wire. Tom Savini, Ken Foree, and Scott Reiniger from the original all make cameo appearances. This was also the first time I ever heard the lounge cover of Disturbed's "Down with the Sickness" by Richard Cheese. And finally, this was written by James Gunn and directed by Zack Snyder! I actually hear that James Gunn left to work on a different project and other writers were brought in to finish the script but Gunn got solo writing credits. Regardless, this movie brought together two of the biggest names in Hollywood right now. James Gunn directed the unexpected hit, Guardians of the Galaxy, for Marvel and Zack Snyder is helming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice along with the Justice League movie for DC.



The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

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The Return of the Living Dead (USA, 1985) - Color, Director(s): Dan O'Bannon
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 91 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5


As important and influential as Romero's zombie films were, there was another integral film that contributed to the zombie mythos. If you asked a random person on the street what zombies eat, they'll most likely tell you zombies eat brains. In Romero's movies, the zombies were cannibals that ate any piece of flesh they could get their hands on. Dan O'Bannon's black comedy/zombie horror was the first movie to introduce the concept of zombies eating brains.


Thom Matthews (Tommy from Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives) plays Freddy, a new employee at a medical supply company. The foreman, Frank, tells him that Night of the Living Dead was based on true events and they have one of the bodies in the basement. The Darrow Chemical Company was developing a chemical for the army called 245-Trioxin that they sprayed on marijuana or something. There was a spill and the chemical seeped into the morgue, bringing bodies back to life. Due to a shipping error, this medical supply company received one of the bodies instead of The Darrow Chemical Company. Frank brings him down into the basement to show him the body and accidentally punctures the barrel, releasing a gas that permeates the warehouse and knocks the two of them unconscious.

Tarman

Cue intro credits and one of the most awesome opening themes ever. The music is one of the best things in 80's movies. Here, have a listen for yourself.



The gas brings all the dead things in the medical supply warehouse back to life, including a cadaver that was hanging in the freezer. They call the owner, played by Clu Gulager (the hilarious Bartender from the Feast franchise), to help them figure out what to do. They try destroying the brain but when that doesn't work, they chop the cadaver into bits and take it to the morgue down the street to be cremated. This proves to be a huge mistake as the cremation process releases a cloud of Trioxin into the air which rains back down onto the cemetery, seeps into the dirt, and reanimates all the bodies in the graves. Freddy's friends, a group of punks that were waiting to pick him up from work, are now caught in the middle of this nightmare. Linnea Quigley plays the red-haired Trash and Miguel A. Núñez Jr. (Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning) are part of the group of punks.

"What do you think this is all about, you think this is a fucking costume? This is a way of life!"

Nudity: Linnea Quigley does a fully nude dance on a tomb. The director thought it would be too graphic to show her vulva so they created a prosthetic one to cover it up and her look smooth like a Barbie doll. 


Gore: Dead bodies and rotting corpses in various stages of decay, brains being eaten, zombies biting into people's skulls. There's plenty of blood but not much viscera, these aren't the cannibalistic zombies that will eat your insides. They specifically eat brains, so there's a lot of blood spray.


Awesome: to the MAX! The soundtrack featured deathrock and punk rock bands of the time. The movie manages to be hilarious without having to cross over into parody territory. Frank freaking out after they accidentally release the gas and bring everything in the warehouse back to life makes the situation so much funnier. Then there's the scene where they're planning to unlock the freezer and have Frank shove a pickaxe through the zombie's head but suddenly the butt-naked cadaver bursts out of the door and barrels towards Clu Gulager instead. That whole scene is an absolute riot. As for the zombies themselves, they're different and more dangerous than Romero zombies. They're smart, they talk, and destroying their brains isn't enough to stop them. They can run, use tools, and even set traps. When paramedics and cops arrived on the scene, the zombies attacked them then radioed for back up so more victims would come. Not to mention the movie introduced the Tarman, an iconic character that even got his own action figure. HIGHLY recommended for fans of zombie movies, especially if you like black comedies.



Dead Alive (1992)

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Dead Alive [a.k.a. Braindead] (New Zealand, 1992) - Color, Director(s): Peter Jackson
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 104 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 5 stars out of 5


Many people know Peter Jackson for his bigger budget films like Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and the 2005 King Kong remake but before he was making blockbusters, he made three of the grossest splatter films ever committed to celluloid. Bad Taste was a low budget Sci-Fi/Horror Comedy about alien invaders harvesting humans for a fast food chain. Meet the Feebles was a satire on a Muppets-style musical stage show that involved things like drug deals, bunny AIDS, and sodomy. Finally, he followed those up with the goriest, most splatterrific zombie movie in the history of cinema.

Samatran Rat Monkey

Known as Braindead in most foreign territories, the movie starts with a couple of guys trying to smuggle a Sumatran rat monkey off Skull Island when they're stopped by a group of natives. They manage to slip away and the animal is transported to Wellington Zoo in New Zealand where an overbearing mother lives with her son, Lionel. A local shopkeeper named Paquita falls for him, believing they're "romantically entangled" by fate. On their date at the zoo, Lionel's mother is sneaking around spying on them when she stumbles too close to the cage and is bitten by the rat monkey. Infected by the bite, she slowly deteriorates until she eventually dies and becomes a zombie. Lionel uses animal tranquilizers to keep his mother and her growing number of victims sedated in his basement when a greedy relative attempts to blackmail him, threatening to inform the authorities about his growing collection of corpses. The shit really hits the fan when the conniving bastard of an Uncle throws a house party and the zombies escape from the basement.


These zombies are unique because the infection originates from an animal, like rabies. The legend of the Sumatran rat monkey is that huge rats came scuttling off the slave ships and raped the tree monkeys. The rat monkeys are also used for black magic ceremonies, which means the natives were aware of how dangerous the bite from these creatures were. When Lionel tries to poison the zombies, they turn into roided out super zombies because the poison was an animal stimulant, so the infection must retain some of its animal properties. Unlike any zombie virus I've ever seen before, a pile of organs gains sentience and becomes a creature of its own. Also, like the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, destroying the brain doesn't seem to stop them either.

Zombie baby

Nudity: None. Two zombies are shown having sex, which results in the female zombie getting pregnant. The scenes are tame though.

His shirt was white before the carnage began

Gore: TONS. This is always listed as the goriest movie ever made. I don't know if there has ever been another movie to officially top this one but 300 liters of fake blood was used for the final scene alone. There are plenty of other scenes where blood (and other fluids) spray like geysers. This movie makes Troma films seem like family entertainment. There's even Looney Tunes-style gag where he's running in place because the floor is slick from all blood on it. That lawnmower scene is the reason I was got super excited when I saw a lawnmower in the first Dead Rising game. 


Awesome: to the MAX! Like his previous films, Braindead is filled with tons of gross-out humor like the scene where Lionel's mother eats Paquita's dog or when blood and pus squirts into someone's custard from an open wound. Some of the gags really test your gag reflex, but there's also some genuinely funny moments as well. Like when the priest beats the shit out of a couple zombies while declaring, "I kick ass for the lord!" or Lionel taking the zombie baby out to the park. There's a good blend of slapstick and gross humor to keep from putting people off entirely but still manages to be shocking every time you're looking at the screen. I love the way this movie ramps up, almost like a video game. There's even a final boss and everything! HIGHLY recommended for everyone to see at least once in their life. No words can describe how truly awesome this movie is, it really has to be seen to be believed.



Shaun of the Dead (2004)

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Shaun of the Dead (UK/France/USA, 2004) - Color, Director(s): Edgar Wright
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 99 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5


Shaun of the Dead is a romantic zombie comedy that is brilliant on so many levels, for me to describe it just wouldn't do it any justice. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this review and just go watch it. You won't regret it. The script is solid and does a fantastic job setting up jokes that pay off later in the movie. There are references to other films, directors, and actors that are so subtle you'd miss them if you blinked. Unlike those garbage "spoof" movies like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, etc. that unrelentingly beat you over the head with their references. In addition to the great cast, Edgar Wright is a talented director who adds more depth to the movie through visual comedy. Tony Zhou of Every Frame A Painting explains this better than I ever could, so check out this episode he does about Edgar Wright's directing style:



The movie opens with a musical cue from the original Dawn of the Dead playing over Universal logo. Shaun (Simon Pegg) and his girlfriend Liz are discussing their relationship problems at the local pub, The Winchester, with Shaun's friend Ed and Liz's flatmates David and Dianne (Dylan Moran and Lucy Davis). Shaun promises things will change as we cut to the opening credits.


We see that Shaun's life is a mess, his bestfriend Ed (Nick Frost) is a deadbeat loser who sits on the couch playing games all day and selling pot. Shaun is working a dead end job where he gets no respect from the people younger than him. He's also having a hard time juggling his relationship with Liz (Kate Ashfield) and remembering to visit his mother. The final straw is when he flubs the dinner reservations for a date with Liz and she breaks up with him. The beauty is in the way the film is set up, you know the zombie apocalypse is coming, you're expecting it to happen at any moment. Wright plays with those expectations by having ominous music cues leading up to a false scare. As he's building these characters, he's also dropping hints that bad things are happening around them. People are acting strangely, news reports and newspaper headlines all indicate there's reason to panic, and yet everyone is just going about their lives. There are scenes set up to mirror each other like when Shaun walks down to the corner store at the beginning of the film then later makes that same trip, after the zombie outbreak, completely unaware of how much the world around him has changed. This is why the movie works as a Horror Comedy without having to cross over into parody territory.


Once the outbreak officially begins, we watch Shaun mature from someone who has no direction in life and can't handle his responsibilities to becoming the take charge hero of the film. Despite being a couple of losers, Shaun and Ed rescues Shaun's mother, their friends, and find a place to hole up. The zombies themselves are classic shambling undead Romero zombies. This movie is a laugh riot and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. The home video releases include a Zomb-O-Meter, which has facts and trivia pop up throughout the film. This pointed out so many things I've missed despite repeated viewings, like the subtle nods to Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, An American Werewolf in London, Evil Dead 2, Suspiria, Alien, and more. If you've already seen the movie before, this is a great way to watch it again.


Nudity: None. Shaun's roommate turns into a zombie in the shower and he's naked throughout the rest of the film but nothing is explicitly shown.


Gore: Not much for a zombie movie. A few bites, a zombie is impaled on a pipe, and there's a death scene at the end that references Captain Rhodes' death in Day of the Dead. Overall, most of the gore and violence is played for laughs. Nothing too disturbing or scary.


Awesome: Very. The movie is a ton of fun to watch, I've seen it a few times and I'm still catching new things in it. I love the British slang. This was the first film in what's referred to as the "Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy" followed by Hot Fuzz and The World's End. While not a trilogy in the traditional sense, the films share common themes, actors, and are loosely connected by the Cornetto references. Each film represented by a specific flavor with Strawberry representing the blood and gore of Shaun of the Dead, the blue Original Cornetto representing the police element in Hot Fuzz and the green Mint Chocolate Chip representing aliens in The World's End. If you haven't seen these movie, I would HIGHLY recommend all three films! Have a few friends over, pick up some Cornettos if you can find them (Nestlé Drumsticks were the closest thing I could find) and have yourself a fun mini-marathon. How's that for a slice of fried gold, eh? Fun fact: Ed is playing TimeSplitters 2 on PS2 at the beginning of the film.

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