Cheesy, Sleazy, Must-See Movies

Bad Milo! (USA, 2013) - Color, Director(s): Jacob Vaughan
MPAA Rating: R
Approx. 85 min.

Z-rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

When I saw the trailer for this movie, I thought this movie was going to be awesome! I'm a big fan of Monster Movies in general, so I figured that a monster coming out of someone's ass and killing people was going to be hilarious. Don't get me wrong, it was really funny because of how ridiculous some of the lines sounded but I wish they put as much effort into the plot as they did the ass jokes. This movie definitely feels like a Comedy first and a Monster Movie second.

Ah, ass demons, of course!

The creature looks like a hairless but sharp-toothed Gizmo from Gremlins (without the ears). When it has that sad puppy look on its face, it totally reminds me of Gizmo! When its out killing people though, it just looks like an evil little baby demon. I liked the design of the monster, it looked pretty mean in the trailers. The story just didn't do it for me though. A guy is plagued by stomach troubles which causes him to spend hours in the bathroom. The doctor tells him it's related to poor stress management, so he tries to take it easy. At work, his boss moves his office into a bathroom that is shared with a random loser and he's soon put in charge of firing people at the company. At home, his mother is pressuring him to have children and he's got daddy issues that he's been dealing with all his life. When it all comes to a boil, the little demon creature crawls out of his ass and murders the people that are stressing him out.

I'm pretty sure you could've gathered all that from the trailer and there's really not much else to the story. They expand a little more on the issues he has with his father and why he bailed on the family but the movie was a little too simple. "Milo" doesn't pile up a huge body count and it's not like anyone linked the murders to it. There's no threat of anyone finding out the guy's got a monster hiding in his ass, I found it hard to relate since all his problems are personal. They just could've done so much more with this movie.

You don't even want to know what he does with this poor mouse...

Nudity: None that I could really remember. Although a doctor gets his face eaten by the guy's ass, or rather the monster living in his ass, during a funny dream sequence.

Gore: There's a ton of blood being splattered onto walls but much of the violence happens off screen. There is one scene where Milo bites off some guy's penis, it was pretty explicit but played off for comedy.

Awesome: This movie is still pretty funny although I feel a little underwhelmed by the plot. Both Gremlins movies had such better stories and characters! This movie wasn't really disappointing though, it's still a lot of fun to watch with a group of friends. I just think it had the potential to be so much better. My recommendation is playing this in a Creature Feature marathon along with both the Gremlins movies for a good night at a Halloween party.

Trollhunter (Norway, 2010) - Color, Director(s): André Øvredal
[original title: Trolljegeren]
MPAA Rating: PG-13
[UK: 15]
Approx. 103 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

Here's a movie I've been wanting to review since last year's Found Footage Week. This movie is about a group of college kids who are filming a documentary. They follow this guy, Hans, around believing him to be a bear poacher. Turns out, the guy is secretly working for the Norwegian government as a Trollhunter. Not completely convinced at first, the kids follow him around until they encounter their first real troll. From there, they convince Hans to let them tag along.

"Only if you carry my stuff"

Hans runs the kids through the ins and outs of hunting trolls like what attracts them and how to kill them. Sure, it can be scary to watch people who are caught off guard and completely unprepared for what's about to happen to them. The characters seem more vulnerable to the situation if they don't know what's going on, but I like to watch a real professional at work. Another thing that made this movie really interesting is the fact that I didn't know much of the folklore behind trolls before seeing this movie. All I could tell you from fairy tales were that trolls lived under bridges (there is one that lives under a bridge in this movie though!). Apparently trolls can also smell Christian blood and will turn to stone, or explode, if exposed to sunlight (even UV used to simulate sunlight, in this movie at least). The problem is that these trolls have been more aggressive and are traveling further outside of their territories than usual. Hans has to try to figure out why and kill the ones that have wandered out too far.

Trollmobile

Nudity: None. Troll nudity would be kind of gross... so I'm glad for once that this movie is PG-13

Oh god, it even looks like a troll porno...

Gore: Not much. I think one of the trolls eats a live goat and Hans uses a bucket of blood to bait trolls, however no one is violently torn apart. There was more violence in the Beowulf movie (with Angelina Jolie) where Grendel tears a guy apart and drinks his blood, although I have to say that I was half-expecting a scene like that in this movie.

What the fuu~

Awesome: Very. I don't think I had ever seen a Norwegian horror before this one but this was absolutely fantastic! The dark and grainy "found footage" style helps to mask any flaws in the CGI, so the trolls look really good. I don't know too much about trolls but I read somewhere that this is really loyal to folklore. I liked that there were a variety of different trolls but there's this one troll at the end that's ENORMOUS! That reminded me of the scene from The Mist when that giant monster stomps past their car. Something about that really freaks me out. There is an American remake on the way, but this is one of those films that I can't imagine translating well. I mean, I guess we know about trolls here too but I can't help but think it'll turn out like Apartment 1303. This is a great creature feature if you're looking for something different to play at your Halloween party.

Stake Land (USA, 2010) - Color, Director(s): Jim Mickle
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 98 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

I'm really surprised this movie isn't a little more well-known. Zombies have saturated every media outlet from movies to books to video games and even TV shows, with the genre becoming extremely bloated. This is a slightly different take on the post-apocalyptic zombie story but with vampires instead. The premise is actually pretty similar to the 2009 film, Zombieland, only this isn't a Comedy. After a nasty outbreak has left civilization as we know it in shambles, a man and a young boy travel across the country together while trying not to be bitten by any of the roaming undead freaks. Sounds pretty much like both movies, but this one also has them encountering a crazy religious cult while they're actively hunting the vampires.

Zombieland had a zombie clown, here they kill Dracula Claus

A man known as "Mister" saves the kid when a vampire attacks his family in their barn. Mister takes him in and teaches him how to hunt vampires. They collect the fangs of vampires they kill because it can be traded for goods. Everything seems to be going well for them until they run into a crazy cult, called The Brotherhood, that believes God is "cleansing" the human population and they are "the chosen ones" that will be spared. They add a couple more people to their party when they pick up a nun, a pregnant girl (played by Danielle Harris from Halloween and the Hatchet series), and eventually a Marine that the cult left for dead. Together, they're trying to reach New Eden, a city that's supposedly a safe haven free of vampires. When they actually make it there, things seem a little too good to be true at first. Unfortunately, things don't stay safe at New Eden for very long.

Thanks to this jerk off...

These vampires don't think or talk, they act almost like zombies except they drink blood instead of eat flesh. I liked that the hunters had more than just vampires to worry about, since the cult actually plays a big part as central villains. By the end of the movie, you really begin to hate these crazy religious fanatics. They can't just leave everyone to live by their own means, they have to ruin things for everyone. They're not a cult in the sense that they want to see the world end, their philosophy is just either you're with them or you're against them. There's no middle ground even though these self-righteous bastards are also a bunch of rapists and sadists.

Nudity: Nothing good, I think the best nudity is from a deck of nude playing cards.

Gore: Vampires bite people, spewing blood all over, and the hunters stab the vamps with stakes. There aren't any guts spilled but there's plenty of the red stuff.

Awesome: VERY!!! Like I always say, I love watching a professional work and Mister is one bad ass vampire hunter. The Brotherhood leaves him for dead at one point, with no weapons, surrounded by 4-5 vampires. I love the way he defends himself in that situation. If you're expecting Underworld or some kind of action-packed vampire slaying movie, you will be disappointed. Mister is just a hardcore vampire hunter who's very skilled but he's not Blade or anything crazy like that. This movie has a grim and serious tone that really works in its favor, really setting it apart from Zombieland. Great for a vampire hunting or post-apocalyptic marathon for the Halloween party!

The Horde (France, 2009) - Color, Director(s): Yannick Dahan& Benjamin Rocher
MPAA Rating: NR
[UK: 18]
Approx. 90 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Of course, I had to include some zombie movies for Halloween! They're EVERYWHERE you look now, it's really impossible to escape them. The idea probably isn't anything new either, cops and criminals need to work together to escape a building being overrun by zombies. Where this movie succeeds for me is in the execution. The movie starts with a bunch of cops who find out a drug lord is holed up inside an apartment building. In an unsanctioned operation, these cops seek vengeance for a fallen comrade under the cover of night. At first, I thought this was going to be The Raid with zombies but they're quickly taken hostage by the criminals. As the criminals are squeezing them for information, a zombie randomly breaks into the room and wreaks havoc on everyone inside. They all escape to the roof, only to see the city in chaos before deciding they need to work together in order to survive. At first, the cops are outnumbered and have to follow the drug lord's lead. As the movie goes on, numbers on both sides dwindle and teamwork becomes essential to their survival.

In most zombie movies, people are terrified and confused so they spend a lot of time running from zombies before finally fighting back. SWAT teams that show up usually just shoot at them with assault rifles before being overrun. This is one of the few times I've actually seen people fight them hand-to-hand. The criminals are a bunch of hard asses and one of them is locked in a hallway with two zombies approaching. The guy literally beats them down before pulling out a knife and shanking zombies. I thought that was already pretty bad ass of him but later, we see one of the cops has been separated from the group. They're in a random apartment and she REALLY lays into the zombies. She punches it, headbutts it, puts the boots to it, slams cupboard doors on it, cracks it repeatedly with what I think is a baking pan, before finally dropping a fridge on it. She gives that zombie one of the most savage beatings I've ever seen!

That was before they found this!

Nudity: There's supposedly a scene where they mock a female zombie with her boobs exposed but I can't find that scene anywhere. I hear there's an uncut version of this film, so many I have an edited version?

This is the closest thing to nudity I remember seeing

Gore: Although you can tell that a lot of the headshots and blood spatters are CGI, it's not so bad that it ruins the movie. If you're like me, you've probably seen much better and much worse effects in zombie movies. There's really nothing much to say here since nothing really stands out.

Although this one zombie reminded me of Donnie Yen

Awesome: Pretty awesome. I think it's really hard to find a zombie movie with anything new in it because there's already been every kind of zombie movie imaginable. This just happens to be one of the better ones that hasn't gotten the attention that it deserves. The story is simple yet interesting, check this one out for Halloween if you're looking for some good zombie action with a bit of foreign flavor.

Doghouse (UK, 2009) - Color, Director(s): Jake West
MPAA Rating: NR
[UK: 15]
Approx. 89 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

He's crying because opposite of him is something truly horrifying

Doghouse is a British Comedy Horror about a group of guys who are on a "boys only" getaway for the weekend, when they end up in a town where all the women have been turned into a man-eating cannibal freaks. When they first arrive, the town seems completely deserted. They wander around for awhile before seeing a soldier attack a hooded woman with a combat knife. Coming to the woman's aid, they're busy kicking the shit out of the soldier when the girl grabs the knife and stabs one of them in the hand. After knocking her out, they flip off her hood to reveal that these weren't your average homicidal women, these were Zombirds! Or as one of them so eloquently puts it, "She's like Evil Dead." (I love the name drop!) Suddenly, the women start creeping out en masse armed with a variety of weapons from axes to scissors and even dentist drills. The soldier eventually tells them that they released a biological weapon on the town that turned the women into man-eating zombies.

That's my FAVORITE Evil Dead poster on his wall!

What's interesting about these Zombirds is that they have a second Phase of mutation. (For anyone who hasn't figure it out yet, "bird" is British slang for a girl like how we use "chicks") This movie is like Resident Evil meets Shaun of the Dead! These things become smarter, faster, and weirder during "Phase 2" (meaning they grow Demons-like claws!). At one point, they actually attempt to make a weapon we've all considered MacGyver-ing together in the middle of a zombie apocalypse... a makeshift flamethrower. Yes, that's right. They fill a water gun with flammable liquids and tape a lighter to the end of it. Honestly, who HASN'T considered making one of those at one point?! They approach the zombie problems the same way your average joe would handle them, only without dumbing down the movie so much that it comes off stupid.

Um... a little silly... but NOT stupid!

Nudity: None that I can remember. Considering that all the women are zombies, I think we're better off. Unless, of course, you're into that kind of thing.

Gore: Lots! What's a zombie movie without gore? (World War Z) Fingers are cut off and eaten, intestines are ripped out, various body parts are severed. Everything we've come to expect and love about zombie movies.

Awesome: VERY. This movie was lots of fun and had some hilarious parts that made me laugh out loud. I love that it achieves those laughs without dumbing down the movie SO much that it's insulting to the audience (Dead Before Dawn 3D). If you enjoyed movies like Shaun of the Dead, Evil Dead, and Return of the Living Dead then you'll probably love this! Great movie to add to a zombie movie marathon for Halloween.

Re-Animator (USA, 1985) - Color, Director(s): Stuart Gordon
MPAA Rating: UR
[UK: 18]
Approx. 95 min.

Z-rating: 5 out of 5 stars for pure 80's cheesy entertainment

Cheese Factor: 3 out of 5 stars

Re-Animator is another movie I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog but never gave a formal review. This is, without a doubt, one of my favorite movies of all time because of the cheesy 80's effects and the awesome score by Richard Band (brother of Charles Band!). I'm also a big fan of mad scientist films, so a guy with syringes full of glowing green liquid that brings corpses back to life is right up my alley.

Jeffrey Combs plays Herbert West, an unassuming medical student who has found the key to conquering death itself. Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott) is a star student at Miskatonic University and is also dating the dean's daughter. The two becomes roommates and eventually partners in crime when West reveals his reanimation agent to Cain. We are soon introduced to the film's antagonist in Dr. Carl Hill, played by David Gale, who West butts heads with on the subject of brain death (specifically how long the brain will continue to function after death). Cain and West are conducting experiments after hours at the school, when the dean tries to interfere and is accidentally killed by one of their "subjects". Seeing an opportunity to work with a fresh cadaver, West injects him with the reanimation agent. How far will their experiments go?

Too far...

One biggest reasons why I'm such a huge fan of this movie is because I always wanted to be a mad scientist when I was a child. I grew up on shows like The Munsters and loved the idea of test tubes bubbling in a laboratory, imagining all the disgusting experiments I would conduct. I also love how the reanimation agent glows green, which seems to be the go to color for strange substances of an unknown origin in these kinds of movies.

Everybody chill the fuck out, I got this.

Nudity: You get to see Barbara Crampton's sweet boobs a couple times throughout the film. Towards the end, she's fully nude on an operating table as we see Dr. Hill's severed head hovering between her legs, ready to go muff diving. She's got a really nice body too!

Gore: Maybe not as much as a typical zombie film but there's plenty of blood and practical splatter effects. Dr. Hill's head is severed from his body with a shovel and someone's eyes explode due to an overdose of reanimation agent.

Awesome: to the MAX!!! Even though the "science" is completely hokey, the movie itself was a lot of fun (giving someone a lobotomy does NOT give you remote control of their brain!). I know I've reviewed a couple zombie movies already and some people may make the connection to the reanimated corpses in this film, but I really wanted to focus on Herbert West. Even though reanimated corpses do play a big role, the story is really about a mad scientist obsessed with his experiments. This movie is based on a story by H.P Lovecraft titled, "Herbert West-Reanimator" which was written as a parody of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. There was even a Broadway musical adaptation of this film! Great movie to play for a group at a Halloween party, especially if you look up glowing green cocktail recipes. For extra fun, you can make green jello shots in syringes for the party!

Fright Night (USA, 1985) - Color, Director(s): Tom Holland
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 106 min.

Z-rating: 5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

No, not the Colin Farrell remake. We're talking about the 80's classic here! Tom Holland, who would go on to direct other entries in the horror genre such as Thinner and the first Child's Play, cut his teeth on this campy vampire flick. A horror movie fanatic named Charley Brewster gets a new neighbor that he suspects might be a vampire. Of course, no one believes him and thinks it's just his overactive imagination. Brewster tries to enlist the aid of a late night horror host by the name of Peter Vincent but he doesn't believe him either at first. Vincent runs through a bunch of fake "tests" to prove the guy isn't a vampire, but is finally convinced himself when he realizes the guy casts no reflection in a mirror. When the vampire starts coming after Brewster's girlfriend, Marcy D'Arcy from Married... with Children, only Charley and Peter Vincent can stop the vampire before it's too late!

The story is a mix of Dracula and Rear Window with a vampire moving in next door. This movie pays homage to older vampire films, like the Universal and Hammer films, while updating it for a newer audience. New being the 80's, of course. Peter Vincent's character is supposedly a send up to Peter Cushing and maybe Vincent Price too. Brewster's best friend "Evil" Ed is cool as hell to watch. The guy's just got a look to him that makes you feel like he belongs in a movie like this. When he's turned into a vampire, he's looks absolutely wicked! Usually the make-up enhances the monstrous look of the actors but this is one of those times where the actor's face actually enhances the look of the make-up!

Nudity: There's a brief flash of nudity at the beginning but nothing major.

Gore: Nothing too gory but the special effects are fantastic! I can't express how much I love practical effects in this movie, especially when people are melting in Nickelodeon slime. Something is very distinctly 80's about the effects. I have a Fright Flicks trading card with Marcy D'Arcy's vampire face on it

Awesome: to the MAX! Most of the best special effects comes towards the end of the movie but when it comes, this movie really gets kicked up to the next level. One guy melts into puddle of green ooze after getting staked through the heart, a werewolf is impaled and shown in mid-transformation back into a human, and Peter Vincent is attacked by a vampire bat. The creature effects are some of the best and most creative I've ever seen, making this one of my favorite vampire flicks to watch. This is a great movie to play at a Halloween party, especially as part of a monster movie marathon.

I Saw the Devil (South Korea, 2010) - Color, Director(s): Kim Jee-Woon
MPAA Rating: NR
[UK: 18]
Approx. 141 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

WOW!!! I really can't believe I missed this gem during it's theatrical run. I'm a huge fan of revenge movies and I always thought Oldboy was the pinnacle of revenge cinema. After watching this one though, I really have to reconsider that (Funny that both movies star actor Min-sik Choi). This movie was one long cat-and-mouse game between a serial killer and National Intelligence Service agent, who I will now be referring to as Storm Shadow for the remainder of this review. So Oldboy is a serial killer and happens to murder Storm Shadow's wife one night. As you probably could've guessed, Storm Shadow loses his shit and methodically hunts down every suspect in his wife's murder until it leads him to Oldboy. Showing more self-control than expected of anybody in his position, Storm Shadow doesn't immediately rage kill Oldboy to death. Instead, he just beats the ever-loving crap out of him and plants a tracking device on him before letting him go. Once Oldboy moves onto a different victim, Storm Shadow sneaks up on him and delivers another fresh ass whooping. Oldboy eventually catches on and seeks refuge with an old friend. After figuring out who has been doing all this to him, Oldboy tries to even up the score and seems like he might even get the upper hand in this cat-and-mouse game of revenge.

Choi plays a cold-hearted serial killer, it's scary how remorseless and completely devoid of compassion his character was to the point that he seemed almost inhuman. I read that this was his first major role since exiling himself in protest of a reduction in Korea's screen quota system. Choi and Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow) are two of Korea's most recognizable stars and this was the first time they shared the screen together. Rather than a straight up horror movie, this is more like a crime drama and suspense thriller. The brutality and violence is rough and some of the characters are truly detestable.

This fucker right here

Nudity: Storm Shadow's wife awakens completely naked and covered in a plastic sheet after the attack by Oldboy. Other than that, he also attempts to rape a couple of his victims.

Not exactly sexy...

Gore: BRUTAL! This isn't the fun type of splatter-gore you find in your average slasher film, the violence here is serious and dark. In fact, the movie isn't even particularly gory, it's just the way it's depicted makes it difficult to watch. Absolutely brutal.

Looks like Dr. Frankenstein's Lego set

Awesome: to the MAX! Although some parts are a little ridiculous, this is a pretty suspenseful movie. Storm Shadow's plan of letting a menace like Oldboy free is far from perfect, but he's pretty much working solo as a vigilante so I guess he couldn't be always be there to kick the shit out of him. Storm Shadow comes out with a couple scrapes himself and just starts winging it whenever things don't go according to plan. With that said, this movie is an intense revenge flick with a gripping story that is sure to entertain all your guests for Halloween... as long as no one minds reading subtitles.

Mother's Day (USA, 2010) - Color, Director(s): Darren Lynn Bousman
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 112 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 1 stars out of 5

I was really surprised they remade this movie, seeing as the original was a rape and revenge exploitation film released under the Troma banner (Directed by Charles Kaufman, brother of Lloyd Kaufman!). I didn't realize a movie like this would even be on the remake radar, but then again, what isn't these days? The new story is in the vein of home invasion movies like The Strangers and not only is this a serious remake, they even included a few references to the original (They mention "Queenie"!). Three brothers who return to their home/hideout after a botched bank robbery find it inhabited by new owners. Realizing their mistake, they immediately begin crowd control as the new owners had guests over to celebrate a birthday and stay safe during a tornado. They're able to reach their mother, who rushes over to help with their escape. Mother promises that they'll leave once they have an opportunity and nobody will be hurt as long as they cooperate.

Should've saved everyone with your Iceman powers Bobby! Or at least gone Animorphs on their ass...

Rebecca De Mornay plays "Mother" who was the ring leader in this circus of misfits. I was impressed with how authoritative she came off when giving orders while still remaining courteous. She was considerate and sweet, even baking them a cake to enjoy while waiting in the basement. However, she would not tolerate anyone unwilling to cooperate and was quick to punish disobedience. She was calm, cool, and in control the moment she walked in the door but had this underlying sadism to her. As time went on, her patience wore thin and her mean streak began to show. Rebecca was really believable in her performance, which is why I was so surprised to see her in that garbage remake of Apartment 1303!

This lady, you do NOT fuck with...

Each of the three brothers had different personalities that served different purposes. The oldest one was a little more responsible and handed down orders directly from their mother. There was a rowdy one that you could tell would've been happy to torture and execute the hostages. Their youngest brother had been shot during the robbery and needed to be "protected" like the baby of the family. This gave the antagonists much more depth than just a bunch of faceless criminals who break in and torture people for no good reason (like The Purge).

Except maybe these two annoying bitches, but they got what they deserved!

Nudity: None that I could remember. As the youngest son was about to die, they bring one of the female hostages up to pop his man-cherry but we don't see any nudity. She's forced to take her top off but covers her boobs with her arms.

Gore: A security guard is violently stabbed in the beginning and a girl who tries to make a run for the door gets shot in the face. This wasn't a Saw film though, so don't expect a ton of gore.

They just dumped her body behind a dumpster too

Awesome: Very. I liked how the movie is realistic (again, unlike The Purge which had to create an alternate future) and simple but still very effective. I already talked about the interesting family dynamic between the criminals but the hostages also had an interesting and familiar dynamic. If you're a fan of zombie movies like I am, then you'll understand that undead ghouls eating flesh is just half the reason those movies are so entertaining. What's interesting is seeing the "survivors" deal with one another and how quickly the democratic system breaks down in those situations. People disagree, fight, argue, and are unable to reach a group decision. When the shit hits the proverbial fan, that's when people show their true colors. The cowards only thought of self-preservation, they stopped being civilized, and these "friends" were quick to turn on each other. If someone tried to be a hero, it might've caused another person to be hurt. Very tense and uncomfortable situation to be in.

The Conjuring (USA, 2013) - Color, Director(s): James Wan
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 112 min.

Z-rating: 5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 0 stars out of 5

"Based on a true story" is an overused adage when promoting horror movies in an attempt to lend some credibility to the film's story. What could be scarier than the possibility of the events in the movie actually being true? Unfortunately, these movies often take many liberties with the plot in order to produce an entertaining film and, in embellishing the story, give critics a reason to doubt that any of the events have actually taken place. Enter James Wan's third supernatural horror film based on Ed and Lorraine Warren's real life paranormal investigations during the 1970's. The Warrens are featured as prominent characters in the film but what you might not have known was that they also investigated the hauntings depicted in the films The Amityville Horror and The Haunting in Connecticut. In fact, Lorraine Warren even mentions specifically that of all the places she's visited throughout her career, the Amityville house is the only one she would never return to.

The film opens with the Warrens investigating a demonically possessed doll, which is based on theirreal life investigation of apossessed Raggedy Ann Doll named Annabelle. What we're seeing is footage played during a lecture given by the Warrens to a University class on the supernatural. After a brief title crawl, we cut to the Perron family moving into their new home. The family experiences some supernatural occurrences after their first night in the house but initially writes it off as strange coincidence. Not until something attacks one of their daughters in the middle of the night do they seek professional help from the Warrens. Agreeing to come out and visit the house, the Warrens conduct an initial investigation and conclude that the house needs an exorcism in order to "cleanse" it. After doing a little research on the property, they uncover the original owners' relation to a woman that was hung during the Salem witch trials and a curse that was placed on the land. Now, it's up to Ed and Lorraine Warren to save the Perron family.

I cannot stress enough how much I loved the focus on the Warrens and their career as professional paranormal researchers. I grew up LOVING the movie Mr. Vampire because it was just amazing to watch a Master ghostbuster/vampire hunter at work. I prefer watching professionals who actually know what they're doing as opposed to amateur home video artists that you find in a Paranormal Activity movie. The fact that these characters were based on actual people that really did this type of work is what makes the story so enriching. The Perrons are such a sweet family, you really hate to see all this happening to them. I have two young nieces myself, so I can relate to the fear of something happening to them that I have no control over. I'd rather take my chances on Jason Voorhees, Chucky, or something I can actually fight against.

Nudity: None pervs, there are children in this movie!

Gore: Being a supernatural film, there isn't much in the way of blood being spilled either. Although a police officer is bitten on the cheek and we see the spouting blood for a brief moment.

Room full of haunted, possessed, or cursed items

Awesome: to the MAX!!!! Right before seeing this movie, I was complaining to a friend that there seemed to be a lack of truly creepy or frightening movies in recent years. (I was personally disappointed when The Woman in Black and The Innkeepers failed to thrill me) Although I understand that as an avid horror movie fan, the chances of coming across more hits than misses is lower when you watch them in such large quantity. I had to eat my words when James Wan killed it this year with back-to-back haunted house films in The Conjuring and Insidious: Chapter 2, which had to be the best supernatural movies I've seen in years. I will admit that watching the sheer volume of horror movies that I've seen, you do get desensitized a bit, but you can always tell the difference between a good movie and a bad one. This movie was fantastic and I highly recommend buying or rent it for Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Thanks to all of you who read my reviews and share them with your friends, you make the time spent writing them worth it. I hope everyone's got some great plans for this year's Halloween and in case you're throwing a party, I thought I'd suggest some movies to rent. I hope you guys enjoy and have an awesome Halloween!!!

Supernatural Horror

Who doesn't love a good ghost story? Here are some supernatural/ghost movies worth checking out:

Devil (2010)
Lords of Salem, The (2012)
Apartment 143 (2011)
Art of the Devil II (2005)
Grave Encounters (2011)
Grave Encounters 2 (2012)
Sick Nurses (2007)
Bunshinsaba (2004)
Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman (2007)
Evil Dead (2013)
Triangle (2009)
Echo, The (2008)
Conjuring, The (2013)

Creature Features

Do you prefer monsters instead? Here's a good mix of creature features to entertain your party guests:

Bad Milo! (2013)
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Dead Sushi (2012)
Trollhunter (2010)
Splinter (2008)
Feast (2005)
Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)
Feast III: The Happy Finish (2009)
Piranha 3D (2010)
Piranha 3DD (2012)

Slashers

Who doesn't love a good slasher? If you like your horror bloody and violent, check out:

Dream Home (2010)
Wrong Turn (2003)
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Collector, The (2009)
Collection, The (2012)
Hills Run Red, The (2009)
Maniac! (1980)
Maniac (2012)
Hatchet (2006)
Hatchet II (2010)
Hatchet III (2013)
Laid to Rest (2009)
ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2 (2010)

Horror Anthology

If you like to get the most horror movies you can in one sitting, here's a list of Horror Anthology films:

Campfire Tales (1997)
V/H/S (2012)
V/H/S 2 (2013)
Theatre Bizarre, The (2011)
Chillerama (2011)
ABCs of Death, The (2012)
Body Bags (1993)
Creepshow (1982)
Three... Extremes (2004)
Trick 'r Treat (2007)

Zombies

For all you Walking Dead fans who are just waiting for the next episode, check out:

Burial Grounds: The Nights of Terror (1981)
Serpent and the Rainbow, The (1988)
Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011)
Doghouse (2009)
Horde, The (2009)
[REC] (2007)
[REC] 2 (2009)
[REC] 3: Genesis (2012)
Day of the Dead (1985)

Grab Bag

Here's a good variety of Horror movies that's great for Halloween parties or a quiet night at home!

Night of the Demons (1988)
Mother's Day (2010)
P2 (2007)
Orphan (2009)
Stake Land (2010)
The Blob (1988)
I Saw the Devil (2010)
Trick 'r Treat (2007)

I hope this was useful to anyone couldn't figure out what they wanted to watch for Halloween this year. If you already know what you're watching tonight, let me know in the comments what your lineup is for tonight. Be safe, Happy Halloween to all!!!

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (USA, 1988) - Color, Director(s): David DeCoteau
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 80 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 5 stars out of 5

Three supposed "frat boys" decide to sneak a peek at a sorority initiation (One of whom you might recognize as Stooge from Night of the Demons). After watching the initiates get paddled through a window, they decide to sneak inside the house for a closer look. This paddling scene is apparently what helped the film gain a cult status as it's one of the best spanking sessions in a mainstream film. Teen sex comedies such as Screwballs, Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, and the infamous Porky's was also a sprawling subgenre during the 80's with movies available via rental on VHS for enjoyment in the privacy of your own home.

After the boys are caught watching the girls shower, they're forced to go along with the initiates to steal a trophy from the bowling alley at the mall. They meet a girl named Spider (Linnea Quigley) that's also breaking into the mall, who helps them get into the bowling alley so they can steal a large bowling trophy. While goofing around they accidentally drop the trophy, breaking it open and releasing a wish-granting Imp.

The rest of the movie plays out like the classic story, The Monkey's Paw, where their wishes come at a price and eventually causes chaos. This movie is famous for being one of two horror films to feature legendary 80's Scream Queens (Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, and Michelle Bauer) together in the same film, the other being Nightmare Sisters (both of which were directed by David DeCoteau). These three were eventually reunited once again in a recent project by DeCoteau titled, 1313: Cougar Cult.

Nudity: Tons! We see lots of bare breasts and even get a couple crotch shots during the shower scene. T&A was pretty common in 80's horror films but we actually get some full frontal nudity in this one. This movie definitely delivers in this department!

Gore: Pretty tame in this department though. There are scenes where heads are decapitated (even a gag where they bowl with Hal Havins' head) but there wasn't as much as blood and guts as you would find in a typical 80's slasher film. This was definitely more of a T&A flick.

Awesome: Cheesy to the MAX! This is definitely one of those films that you have to shut off your brain and just enjoy. The imp hardly ever moves and is never really scary, his mouth moves like he's a sock puppet. The acting is as cheesy as you'd expect from this kind of movie, this is low budget trashy cinema and I love it! One of Linnea Quigley's lines from this movie, "Yeah, it was... very stupid!" is sampled in Static-X's song "I'm With Stupid". This would go great in a B-movie double feature with Chopping Mall as part of an "Escape the Mall" themed horror night.

Frankenhooker (USA, 1990) - Color, Director(s): Frank Henenlotter
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 85 min.

Z-rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 5 stars out of 5

How can you not love that video cover?! All the random body parts, science equipment, and the anti-drug slogan that reads "Winners Don't Smoke Super-Crack!"

After the fiancée of med school drop out Jeffrey Franken (played by James Lorinz) is torn apart by an automated lawn mower run amok, Franken salvages any pieces he can find in order to rebuild her. Naturally, he turns to working girls to fill in any necessary parts he's lacking. Jeffrey plans to collect their parts by supplying the prostitutes with a lethal version of crack that he engineers in his lab, ingeniously dubbed "Super Crack". After collecting all the parts he needs, all he needs to do is rebuild his fiancée. Oh, that and deal with their pimp, Zorro.

James Lorinz plays the perfect awkward, mumbling mad scientist. I love the intro credits where he's just scribbling notes over a diagram of a human body and mumbling to himself. This movie is pure cheese, I couldn't help laughing all through it. A brain with an eyeball in it is created for no reason, there are exploding hookers, and Franken drills directly into his own skull to stimulate his thought process! With a title like Frankenhooker, you really couldn't expect anything but total campy goodness.

Nudity: Tons! Franken needs to find the "right parts" to rebuild his fiancée, which gives him the perfect excuse to inspect multiple female bodies. There are also crazy purple Franken-tits for anyone looking for something a little... different.

Gore: As I mentioned, hooker do explode but there isn't much in the blood and guts department. There are definitely limbs all over (as you might've expected from a Franken-movie) but not a lot of the red stuff.

Awesome: to the MAX! I love cheesy, fun movies like this. Although some of what's happening on screen doesn't make any sense, they do a great job of creating an atmosphere where you'll just excuse the medical inaccuracies to have a good time. This trashy sleaze-fest would make a great double feature with Re-Animator or even in a triple feature along with Bride of Re-Animator!

Friday the 13th Part 3 (USA, 1982) - Color, Director(s): Steve Miner
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 95 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

We're finally here! Jason's character is really starting to come together. He dons his iconic hockey mask for the first time and wields his signature machete by the end of the film, he's got his trademark sound (ki ki ki, ma ma ma), and he's very hard to kill as seen when he's pushed from the second story of a barn and hung by the neck with no effect.

This is probably the most important film of the franchise, at least in terms of Jason's character development, but the first half of the movie is spent setting up the dullest bunch of bozos you just can't wait to see get hacked to pieces. A group of seven teens are headed up to a cottage at Crystal Lake that includes a pregnant girl, her boyfriend, an annoying idiot who plays dumb pranks, his blind date, a stoner couple, and a girl named Chris who survived a previous encounter with Jason. Most of these people just serve as fodder for Jason to slash his way through, the most developed characters are Chris and Shelly, the idiot who fancies himself an actor. Shelly is supposed to be the sympathetic character that we all feel bad for because of his low confidence but the guy is a total jagoff. He carries around a box of props like he's Carrot Top or something, which he uses to scare the hell out of people for attention.

Puff, puff, pass.

While in town picking up some groceries, Shelly and his date (Vera) piss off three biker thugs that follow them back up to the cottage and try to burn down the barn. Jason finally shows up and offs a couple of the bikers, then turns his attention towards the main cast. Shelly is the one Jason gets his mask from, which happens off-screen, but Vera is the first one to be killed by Jason while wearing his new mask.

Jason sure has a flair for the dramatic, posing dead bodies in ways that will scare people later on. Though he's not above just tossing the lifeless body of Chris' boyfriend through a window at her, sometimes he's not too subtle. You've got to hand it to him though, he's a master at improvising. In the early 80's there was a revival of 3D in Hollywood that some horror films took part in, many of which were the 3rd installments of their franchise. Jaws 3-D, Amityville 3-D, and this movie were just some to cash in the craze. I love the way the movie's opening credits are in 3D and set to a groovy disco theme. Sure, the 3D effects were pretty hokey (snakes, yo-yos, and harpoons popping out at you) but it makes this movie all the more fun to watch. If it wasn't for the slow first half dragging this film down, this would definitely rank higher as one of the best in the franchise.

Nudity: There is a frustrating lack of T&A in this flick. We get a shower scene half way through the movie, once Jason shows up. The nudity would've been more welcome during the boring first half of the film when there wasn't any killing.

Gore: From what I understand, a lot of the death scenes were edited to avoid an X rating. Despite some of the gorier bits getting cut, this movie still has one of the most brutal kills I've ever seen. Jason splits a guy right down the middle with a machete while he's doing a hand stand. This scene is so cringeworthy that any guy would have a hard time watching it. Jason also shows how physically strong he is when he crushes a guy's head and sends an eyeball flying towards the screen.

Awesome: There's no denying the significance of this film, it's the first time Jason wears the hockey mask and the first one to be in 3D, but it's bogged down heavily by the annoying characters and slow first half. There's some cool stuff though like the girl who reads an issue of Fangoria right before she's killed. We see her flip past an article on Tom Savini and one about Godzilla. As a standalone film, it had the potential to be awesome but it was a decent lead into the fourth film. Director Steve Miner doesn't come back for the next sequel but goes on to direct some other fun stuff like House, Halloween H20, and Lake Placid. Some of his more recent work includes the absolutely dreadful Day of the Dead remake.

Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter (USA, 1984) - Color, Director(s): Joseph Zito
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 91 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Part IV seems to be the one that people liked the most. There's more nudity, the film keeps an steadier pace, and the death scenes are more brutal than ever. Joseph Zito, who also directed The Prowler, is at the helm of what was supposed to be the last film of this series. "The Sultan of Splatter" Tom Savini is also back doing the special effects. After a flashback to all three movies, we see the paramedics taking Jason's body to the morgue. When he comes to at the hospital, he kills two of the people working there and heads back to Crystal Lake. At the same time, a group of teens are also headed there for the weekend. Crystal Lake must quite the vacation spot because all these murders don't seem to deter any visitors.

Corey Feldman plays young Tommy Jarvis, a monster movie obsessed kid who creates his own masks and props. He lives with his mother and older sister across from the house that the teens are renting. The group picks up a pair of twins and they all end up back to the house for a party. Crispin Glover plays a scrawny, annoying little nerd that hooks up with one of the twins. In one of the funniest scenes of the entire franchise, he dances like he's having a seizure while fighting invisible ninjas at a rock concert. During filming, Glover was supposedly dancing to a different song but it's the most ridiculous thing you'll ever see, regardless of the song that was originally playing.

Corey Feldman and his sister are having car trouble when a random backpacker comes out of the woods to helps them out. The guy says he's out hunting bears but he's really looking for his sister and tracking Jason. After Jason slashes his way through the teens, he goes after the Jarvis family. In the end, it's little Tommy Jarvis that's able to stop him but I've never really understood why. Tommy finds a bunch of newspaper clippings in the backpacker's bag and see a picture of Jason Voorhees when he was a kid. While Jason's chasing his sister around, Tommy shaves his head and puts on a little make-up to look like Jason when he was a kid. Then Tommy asks if Jason remembers him? In Part II, it made more sense that Jason would be confused because Ginny pretends to be Jason's mother. Tommy shaving his head to look like a young Jason shouldn't have confused him for so long. Regardless, it worked long enough for Tommy to get ahold of the machete bury it deep into Jason's face. When he notices Jason's fingers twitching, Tommy repeatedly hacks away at Jason's body with the machete. The movie ends on a bit of a cliffhanger with Tommy Jarvis looking into the camera as ominous music plays. This was supposed to be the final film but audiences were left wondering what happened to young Tommy Jarvis.

Nudity: There was a lot more nudity this time around. The teens go skinny dipping at the lake and they're all hooking up back at the house. The girls are hotter and there are even TWINS!

Gore: Tom Savini is back. Is there any doubt about the quality or even quantity of gore? The special effects are top notch and the kills are absolutely brutal. Jason saws through a guy's throat with a hacksaw and twists his head completely around. Also, Jason is a dick to fat chicks. This heavy hitchhiker was just sitting there minding her own business, not engaging in premarital sex or doing drugs, just eating a banana when Jason shows up and kills her for no reason.

Awesome: Very. The story was evenly paced unlike Part III where the the first half was really boring and everything happens in the second half. The acting is bad and Crispin Glover's character is annoying as hell but they quickly set up the characters and move on to killing them. This movie had the right amount of nudity and, with Tom Savini back, the kills were awesome. I can see why this is a favorite among fans of the franchise. Jason seemed more "alive" in the last one, he's more decayed and zombie-like in this one. Also, he's more deliberate and slow stalks his victims in this one. At least he is until the end. In previous films, he seemed a lot more clumsy and oafish. If the series really ended here, it would've gone out on a high note. This is definitely the one we've been screaming for!

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (USA, 1985) - Color, Director(s): Danny Steinmann
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 92 min.

Z-rating: 1 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Following the success of the fourth installment, of course they'd try to squeeze out more sequels. What better way to follow up the best movie in the franchise than with the worst one? Often cited as people's least favorite movie, it is easily the weakest film of the franchise. The death scenes are totally weak, it has the most obnoxious characters in the world, and it's not even the real Jason killing people.

Everyone was left wondering what became of little Tommy Jarvis after hacking away at Jason with the machete screaming, "Die! Die! Die!" and then staring ominously into the camera at the end. A young Tommy Jarvis (played by Corey Feldman) is visiting the grave of Jason Voorhees as two guys approach and dig up Jason's corpse. Suddenly, Jason awakens and kills both of them and turns his attention to young Tommy Jarvis. Turns out it's only a nightmare that the now older Tommy Jarvis is having. He's on his way to some kind of halfway house, seems like Tommy never fully recovered from his encounter with Jason.

At the house, the other troubled teens are all doing chores when this fat kid offers everyone a chocolate bar. The psycho chopping wood flips out for no reason and hacks the fat kid into pieces with an axe. Shortly after, the counterfeit Jason starts killing off a bunch of inconsequential characters that weren't even introduced before they were killed. I understand that Jason sometimes kills random characters too but it's usually on his way back to Camp Crystal Lake. This bogus Jason spends way too much time killing trivial characters before finally getting around to the main cast. The phony Jason is chasing a kid and a woman who works at the halfway house named Pam, after killing off the teens in the house, when he finally comes face-to-face with Tommy Jarvis. Tommy has been missing this entire time and when he shows up, you're expecting some epic battle against the man that ruined his life. The only thing he does is stand there, freaking out, as "Jason" slashes him across the chest with a machete. Then he stabs imitation Jason in the groin with a switchblade before passing out in the hay. After a brief struggle, the pretend Jason is killed and his whole sham is revealed.

At least Pam was a total bad ass

Nudity: Thank goodness for the nudity because the death scenes are totally lame. The Friday the 13th franchise is known for delivering nudity and violent death scenes. Almost feels like they knew the kills were lousy, so they over-delivered on the boobies. Nudity alone doesn't save this film though.

Gore: The deaths in this movie were so weak, it's almost a shame to have them weighing down the series. Aside from the scene where we see the fat kid AFTER he's been chopped up by the psycho with the axe, the rest of the kills are really tame. In the scene where the slutty waitress is killed, the camera barely finishes panning over her dead body before they fade into a different scene.

Awesome: Not awesome at all. At the time, this installment had the poorest performance of all the sequels. I read that this film has gained a cult following and is considered a "psychological horror" probably due to the twist that someone is pretending to be Jason. I think that's just a garbage excuse covering for a bad movie. There's no big mystery as to who was killing everyone because we see that it's a guy in a hockey mask, nobody is trying to figure out who's really under the mask because we're led to believe it's really Jason until the end. The entire movie plays out like an average (or below average) Friday the 13th flick until the very end when it turns out that someone dressed up as Jason. That's not a twist, it's a cheap ending. Also, the snot-nosed hick that lives with his mother is the most annoying character ever. This movie sucks.

Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (USA, 1986) - Color, Director(s): Tom McLoughlin
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 15]
Approx. 86 min.

Z-rating: 5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 2 stars out of 5

Just when I thought this franchise couldn't possibly sink any lower, they come out with this movie... and totally redeem themselves! Hell yeah, this is the definitive Friday the 13th movie. Starting with some shots of the woods and Crystal Lake with the fog rolling, it perfectly sets the creepy mood for the rest of the film. On the eve of Friday the 13th, Tommy Jarvis and Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter is hauling ass up to the cemetery where they plan to exhume Jason's body and cremate it. Looks like Tommy Jarvis is still haunted by the man he "killed" as a child. They dig up his grave and find a maggot-infested, worm-covered corpse rotting in the coffin. Jarvis rips off a piece of the fence and repeated stabs the corpse with it in a fit blind rage, leaving it sticking out of the grave as he retrieves the gasoline. In a Frankenstein-esque resurrection sequence, lightning strikes Jason twice in a row and revives him as a bad ass, undead, super zombie killer that punches holes through Horshack like he was made of Styrofoam and paper mache. Jarvis tries desperately to douse him with gasoline and light him on fire but the weather is on Jason's side as it starts to rain. Now, that's how you start a movie!

The end of Part V sets Tommy Jarvis up to be the new killer of the franchise but because that movie sucked ass through a straw, they ignored the ending completely and brought back Jason instead. Tom McLoughlin, who previously directed One Dark Night, decided to make Jason more like Frankenstein's Monster. There are small references to Frankenstein all through the film: Jason's revival by lightning, Alice Cooper's "Teenage Frankenstein" plays on the radio when two of the counselors are killed in an RV, and Tommy Jarvis says he's at Karloff's General something when he gives his location to the Sheriff's daughter. This is a subtle nod to Boris Karloff who played The Monster in the Universal's Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, and Son of Frankenstein.

Jason was hard to kill before but he was supposedly still human (apparently he just survived at the bottom of the lake as a child for some 20 years or so because that makes total sense) but now he's a supernatural being with immense strength that cannot be killed. Jason can't be hurt, he can't be drowned, not even bullets slow him down anymore. I remember Jason getting knocked down by a shovel in a previous film, someone breaks a shovel over his head at the beginning of this film and it doesn't even faze him. Jason shows how strong he is when he grabs a guy by the wrist, hurls him 100 feet away into a tree, and accidentally ripping his arm off in the process with little to no effort. This version of Jason is how all future installments will portray him.

"Oh HELL no."

So now Crystal Lake has changed their name to Forest Green in hopes that people can forget about all the killing. Thanks to Tommy Jarvis, Jason is awake again and running amok. The only way to stop him is to return him to his original resting place, to Crystal Lake where he drowned as a child. Jarvis tries to get help from the police station after resurrecting Jason but the sheriff doesn't believe him about Jason. The sheriff's daughter, Megan, does and tries her best to help him put an end to Jason once and for all.

Nudity: Surprisingly, none. Although nudity and gore go hand-in-hand in slasher films, this one is successful even without the nudity. We do get a couple shots of Megan's crotch (the sheriff's daughter) as she's helping Tommy Jarvis escape.

What I would've give for those to be yoga pants...

Gore: Also surprisingly, not much. There are violent and brutal killings but not a lot of graphic on-screen deaths. A cabin is seen drenched in blood to imply that a brutal murder had taken place but nothing is explicitly shown. There's also a triple decapitation that's obscured by blood splattering onto the screen but, sadly, doesn't show any heads rolling.

Yeah, not THAT much blood...

Awesome: They really made up for the lack of gore and nudity by providing a super bad ass Jason and a bit of humor. You wouldn't expect a slasher franchise like Friday the 13th to be so successful without gore and nudity but this is considered a fan-favorite in the series. My favorite kill is the drunk gravedigger who throws an empty bottle over his shoulder, expecting to hear it shatter on the ground behind him. Jason caught the bottle, breaks it with his bare hands, and stabs the gravedigger in the throat with the broken bottle. This all happens so fast and Jason squeezes the bottle so nonchalantly, you can't help but love it.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (USA, 1988) - Color, Director(s): John Carl Buechler
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 88 min.

Z-rating: 4 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 3 stars out of 5

I guess they're not "Forest Green" anymore?

They totally should've called this Friday the 13th: Jason vs. Carrie. From what I understand, it was originally planned to be a Freddy vs. Jason film but talks between Paramount Pictures and New Line Cinemas fell through. Still, this is one of my favorite F13 movies. John Carl Buechler, special effects artist turned director, also did special make-up effects for this film and created what people consider "the definitive Jason". The stuntman behind the mask is none other than the legendary Kane Hodder, who would be the only actor to reprise his role as Jason in the three sequels that follow. (he also plays Victor Crowley in the Hatchet series, among many others)

In a flashback, we see Tommy Jarvis using a chain wrapped around a large stone to sink Jason to the bottom of Crystal Lake. Returning Jason to the lake where he drowned as a child put Jason to rest. Some time passes and we see a little girl running out to the lake, upset over the fact her father is smacking her mother around. Little Tina uses her telekinesis to collapse the dock her father was standing on and accidentally drowns him in Crystal Lake. Fast forward to the present and we see that Tina is still distraught by the accident. At the recommendation of her therapist, Dr. Crews, she returns to Crystal Lake to face the guilt over killing her father. One night Tina walks out to the lake and uses her powers to revive what she believes to be her father, but in fact turns out to be Jason. Dr. Crews keeps her in a state of constant emotional imbalance and tries to convince her that she's hallucinating.

A group of teenagers are at the house next door preparing a surprise birthday party for one of their friends and Tina is invited to join them. The guest of honor never makes it to his own party because Jason gets to him first and then starts going after the party guests. Jason has been decaying all these years under the lake, his spine is starting to show and the flesh is rotting off his bones around his fingers and face. Jason gets electrocuted, lit on fire, and part of a house collapses on top of him but he keeps on coming. Tina doesn't fuck around either, she gets a hang of her powers before the end of the movie and uses them to fight Jason. She throws furniture at him, stabs him with a bunch nails, and uses his own mask to squeeze his head so hard that it breaks in half.

Nudity: There's the usual teens fornicating and a girl skinny dipping in the lake before she's killed. We get a brief shot from underneath as the girl tries to swim away from Jason.

Gore: They didn't really skimp on the gore in this movie, a lot of it was supposedly cut to avoid an X rating. There's a decent amount of gore left behind but the movie cuts away when it starts getting good. The deleted scenes are included in the DVD releases. The deluxe editions supposedly have additional footage.

Awesome: Very. Jason is a disgusting, rotting corpse and the stunts look awesome thanks to Kane Hodder. That one self-centered bitch gets an axe to her face and then Jason just tosses her across the room. Absolutely HILARIOUS! Dr. Crews is one of the most despicable cowards you've ever seen. You just can't wait to see these characters get what's coming to them. Unlike the annoying mamas boy from Part V, who was so completely obnoxious that you just wanted to turn off the movie. Some people may find the idea of Tina and her psychokinesis ridiculous but it really works for me. That's one of the reason I like the Friday the 13th series so much, Jason actually encounters characters that are out of the ordinary. I think it keeps the franchise interesting. If the violence wasn't edited out, this would probably be the best.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (USA/Canada, 1989) - Color, Director(s): Rob Hedden
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 100 min.

Z-rating: 2.5 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Following the end of Part VII where Tina uses her psychokinetic powers to resurrect her father, who jumps out of the water with chains to drag Jason back down to the bottom of Crystal Lake, Jason is once again at rest at the bottom of the lake. A young couple is out on a boat and their anchor accidentally drags across a power line, which once again revives Jason via electricity. Jason climbs on board the boat and, just his luck, the boyfriend just finished playing a dumb joke on his girlfriend wearing Jason's iconic hockey mask. Seeing as his last mask was torn apart in his fight with Tina, he totally lucked out finding another one right after coming up out of the water again.

DAFUQ?

We cut to a cruise ship preparing to depart with a graduating high school class boarding it. Keep an eye out for a young Kelly Hu as one of the high school students. Stowing away is none other Jason Voorhees himself. Despite the subtitle being Jason Takes Manhattan, I've heard this movie called Jason on a boat or Jason takes a cruise cause a majority of it does take place on that cruise ship. When they finally get to New York, that's when all the real fun begins. There's the famous scene where Jason boots the ghetto blaster in the middle of Times Square, he teaches a couple of punks a lesson after they rob the main characters, and there's even a moment where he sees his own mask up on a billboard. Before they get to New York, it's pretty much like any other Friday movie except they're on a boat instead of in cabins. The thing is, it's so much more fun when he actually gets to terrorize NYC that it makes you wish the entire movie took place in the Big Apple.

Yes, he does!

Nudity: There is a bit of nudity when the first couple are doing the horizontal monster mash before Jason shows up. Then again after one of the students takes a shower after seducing her teacher but Jason gets to her before she gets a chance to put any clothes on.

Gore: This one is pretty tame as far as these Friday films go, not a lot of violent death. I think they were going for more humor this time around. There's a fight scene on a rooftop in NYC where one of the students, who's a boxer, tries to fight Jason with his bare hands. You know it's not going to turn out well for the kid but Jason just lets him give it all he's got before doing anything. Then like something out of Killer Klown from Outer Space, Jason knocks his block off in one hit.

Basically, something like this

Awesome: This is easily the cheesiest of the movies up to this point, you can tell they were trying to go for comedy more than straight horror. This is also the weakest entry since Part V but between the two, I definitely prefer this one. This one is so bad it's good, but Part V was just plain bad. I think everyone wanted to see Jason terrorize NYC and kill a bunch of people in Times Square. For some reason, he was really focused on getting those kids from Crystal Lake. There's literally a single line of dialogue that mentions these kids are "the last ones" as if there was a deeper story behind why Jason is after them but this is never explained in any more detail. The ending in New York's sewer system didn't make a whole lot of sense but I guess anything can happen down there. From what I understand, there's a ton of crazy stuff going on down there. Giant alligators, mutants, C.H.U.D.s, Ninja Turtles, mole people, and giant cockroaches pretending to be people to name a few. Although it wasn't painfully bad, this is one of the more forgettable entries in franchise.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (USA, 1993) - Color, Director(s): Adam Marcus
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 87 min.

Z-rating: 3 stars out of 5

Cheese Factor: 4 stars out of 5

Oh HELL yeah! Jason goes to Hell? He's probably there to kick a bunch of demon ass or something cause we all know he's a super bad ass, invincible, unstoppable, unkilla... wait what? They blow him to pieces in the first 7 minutes? Oh, okay then...

So anyway, I guess the local authorities finally realized they can't handle Jason on their own and called in the FBI. They set up the perfect trap for Jason and unload a barrage of bullets before blowing him up. At the morgue, the coroner is performing the autopsy when Jason's heart suddenly starts beating again, so he eats it for absolutely no reason and becomes possessed with Jason's spirit. Now, I've never worked as a medical examiner myself, so for all I know this could be the proper procedure for a situation like this. Alright, so let me try to get this all straight. Apparently Jason had a sister, who now has her own daughter and grandchild. Jason's evil spirit, which takes the form of a giant leech creature, is jumping from one body to another in an attempt be reborn through one of the Voorhees women. Apparently, only through a Voorhees can he be reborn and only by the hands of a Voorhees can he be killed.

This was the first Friday the 13th film to be released after New Line Cinemas bought the rights to the franchise. There are a ton of plot holes in the story that leave many questions unanswered. How did he get back to Crystal Lake after dying in New York's sewer system in Part VIII? Why does a random bounty hunter know all the secrets to killing Jason that were only just introduced in this movie? How come when Jason was reborn, he looks exactly like he did right before he was blown to pieces? Why didn't he at least get a new mask?

Nudity: They definitely brought back the T&A for this movie. A woman is shown undressing in the beginning, two women are changing after they go skinny dipping, and there's a pretty explicit scene of a couple having sex in a tent.

Gore: They amped up the gore in this one too. A girl is split in half after being impaled, another girl's head is crushed, and someone melts after Jason's spirit possesses a different person. The melting scene was pretty gruesome, like something out of Hellraiser. After Jason is blown up, the coroner performs an autopsy on the remaining pieces. He notes that Jason's body is badly burned all over and there are over 100 bullets lodged in his body. As he examines Jason's heart, he notes that it's not filled with blood but a black, viscous fluid instead.

Awesome: Despite the plot holes and the random story about Jason's family that they made up on the fly, this was actually a pretty good movie. They brought back the two most important factors in these types of movies, gore and nudity. There are also a bunch of references to future crossovers. While investigating the Voorhees house, one of the characters comes across the Necronomicon from the Evil Dead franchise. Then at the end of the movie, Jason's mask is laying on the ground when Freddy Krueger's clawed hand reaches up and pulls it down to Hell. This was a wink to a crossover between the two franchises that had been in talks since 1987, though the two wouldn't meet for another 10 years. Also, both Freddy and Jason would eventually meet Ash from the Evil Dead franchise in two comic series: Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash and Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash: The Nightmare Warriors

Bad Milo! (2013)

Trollhunter (2010)

Stake Land (2010)

The Horde (2009)

Doghouse (2009)

Re-Animator (1985)

Fright Night (1985)

I Saw the Devil (2010)

Mother's Day (2010)

The Conjuring (2013)

Halloween 2013

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

Frankenhooker (1990)

Friday the 13th Part 3 (1982)

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)